Know What Men Find MOST Attractive? Prepare to be Surprised!!

 

 

 

So, how many women reading this think men are looking for younger women? How about this one…Men are only interested in sex. Well, you are RIGHT!!  Men are interested in sex, but not ONLY in sex. And, they are attracted to younger women, but not to establish relationships, necessarily. There are, of course, men who are happily partnered with younger women, but there’s more than age that makes him care for her. And, the things that make a man want to be with you are not about how old you are. There’s so much you don’t know about what men want and need in relationships. It’s not your fault, by the way. We aren’t taught about what real relationships are built on, so I hope I can offer some new insights, so that you don’t waste your time trying to squeeze into a size 2, or spent a fortune on a new dress every time you go out on a date. More important to me is that you begin to learn the truth, the FACTS about men and stay open to some new beliefs about loving them and allowing them to return that love. Until we women do that, we may find ourselves alone, or feeling alone even in our long-term relationships.

 

There are two kinds of attraction. One is “Sexual Attraction” and the other, “Romance and Emotional Involvement”. Most of us know only the things the media taught us, and that our parents may not have taught us, thus we carry a heavy load of misinformation. Sexual attraction we know lots about. That’s what keeps the cosmetic industry going strong, not to mention Victoria’s Secret. It’s what keeps that other woman’s voice chattering away in our heads, “You aren’t pretty enough to get anybody”. “Who would want a woman in that size dress?” And God forbid you have had a mastectomy. Those voices are heavy and persistent. But, I want you to know what’s true about you, and that men are looking for women beyond the sexual attraction “phase”. 

 

We forget our DNA hasn’t changed that much, and we are all still cavemen and women. Don’t underestimate that. Did you know that one of the 4 most important things men look for in a woman during the Sexual Attraction phase is SHINY HAIR! Go advertisers!! Count how many commercials you see for those products. Why does it matter? Because in the caveman era, shiny hair was a sign that a woman had enough body fat to produce it, and the more body fat, the more fertile…and that’s what it was all about for them then. Survival. Still, it’s in that DNA of men today as are all things sexual,  including attraction to  great bodies (of all sizes and shapes), that zaza ZOOM of sexual energy. So, we naturally can believe they only care about our looks and whether or not we are sexually appealing. But there’s more, and it’s this “more” that will determine whether or not a man will find you the kind of woman he is looking for in a partner. Women who have these qualities are the “Keepers”, so if that’s what you are seeking…look for my next Blog Post and I’ll show you what truly matters to men looking for love, or keeping the love they’ve found! And, by the way, if you’re looking for great sex in your life and not interested in going beyond that stage, that’s OK too. There are men out there who share that vision too and we all get to choose a path that makes us happy. If you want more in your next relationship…stay tuned. 

 

Are you tired of watching sunsets alone and ready to find someone special to share this next amazing chapter of your life? Ready to learn more about yourself and kick those roadblocks to the side of the road so he or she can find you? I’d be honored to be your guide!

Let’s talk and see what will give you the confidence, skills and moxie to do whatever it takes to find love again!

510-817-4242  donna@donnasbigredchair.love

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big RED Chair

www.donnasbigredchair.love

C

I Might Get Hurt

If you have been breathing,  you have been hurt by someone or something in this life.

One of the major reasons we avoid opening our minds, much less our hearts to dead tulipslook for love now is that it still hurts.

You’ve heard the sound of hurt before…

  • “I am perfectly happy being alone. I don’t need anyone.”
  • “It would be nice to have someone to grow old with, but it is just too much trouble.”
  • “Why open myself up to being hurt again?”
  • “I really do want to find someone, but I just don’t have time!”
  • “I went online once and nobody responded to my emails, so that didn’t work.”

Some of that may feel true and fear is normal for all of us who want to love again…and yet…

Everyone wants and NEEDS to be loved and to love and, I mean beyond our dogs and cats, grandchildren and godchildren, and even our best friends. I am talking cuddling, holding, kissing, lying in bed listening to the other snoring, touching and being touched, and for many having mad fabulous sex! And when we have been in an emotional and relational desert for a long time, it is SO painful that we often develop ways of protecting ourselves from the possibility that we might be hurt again.  Denial becomes our way of coping, and over time we convince ourselves that we don’t need love anyway. So,WE BUY ANOTHER DOG!

Step One to finding a special someone is taking that sadness and longing out of mothballs and looking at the cost of living without love. Doctors will tell you that people who are in relationships live longer and have fewer physical and emotional problems. I am here to tell you that the risk of looking for love will always be worth it. And, you’ll have to get off your sofa and begin.

Will it hurt? It most definitely will at times. But will the rewards of opening your heart wide be far greater than any hurt you may experience?…I can guarantee it, or your money back!

 

Do you ever feel like your life is “really OK”, but when the sun sets or you open that bottle of red that is your favorite, you really wish you had someone with whom to share those moments? You’d love to go back to Italy, but don’t want to do it alone? Maybe it’s time to start the journey to finding someone special with whom to share this next amazing chapter of your life. Afraid and don’t know where to begin? I’m there to show you the way…

Get out of your chair, and give me a call, or email me to see how your can find someone to love…again

The 30-minute call is complimentary!

 

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big RED Chair

510-817-4242   donna@donnasbigredchair.love

www.donnasbigredchair.love

 

Just Who Are you NOW?

When my babies were young, I was talking with my dearest friend, offering her what I thought was “wisdom” in a struggle she faced. I’m going to blame it on being too young to know better, but I thought unsolicited advice was what friends wanted, and Lord knows I’ve always had plenty of that to offer! Little did I know that advice is often laced with our own poison…judgment. 

 

The wisdom came anyway and before I could dot the “I”, she fired back, “You know, Donna, you have an image of me that you just won’t let go of. You won’t let me change or be different than who you think I am.” Angry, she got up and walked out the door. In my surprise and my guilt and shame for what I’d said, I still GOT IT. And, I never forgot it, though many many times in my life I have regressed and done it again and again.

 

Enjoying a lovely evening out this week with a delightful new friend we talked about  our desire to connect, have community and friends who show up and meet us halfway most of the time. She told me a story about a recent disappointment in a friendship very important in her life. The details aren’t important, but what she said took me back to what had happened over tea with that friend “back in the day”.  She said it so well…“Sometimes people won’t let us change. They only see us the way they always have.” 

 

I owned a tea room once in a little California seaside town. The “ladies who lunch” were often in their late 80’s and 90’s. I often asked them for their secret to life. It was always the same…“Keep moving, don’t sit down in front of a tv, learn something every day, and keep changing and growing.” One woman said, “When you stop growing, you’re dead!”

 

Are you growing and learning? If you’re reading this, you’re not dead yet! And, can you allow that friend of yours to grow and change, provided she or he is still alive? I hope you will open your eyes to how pigeon-holing yourself will limit the joy of change. I hope that you will allow others around you to change, and notice and celebrate it. And, most importantly, that you will listen carefully, aware of that deadly judgment, and ask questions before you write your own script about someone else.

Now, “Sally forth!” and Live, Love and Enjoy those changes! Take a risk today to see yourself as you are NOW!

 

Are you ready to look forward and find someone to love?

You’ve changed since your last relationship and when you learn who you are now, you’ll be able to know who you’d like to share this amazing chapter of your sweet life.

I’m honored to be your guide and when you’re ready, I offer a Complimentary Intake Session. Call me or email me.

510-817-4242  donna@donnasbigredchair.love

 

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big Red Chair

www.donnasbigredchair.love

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