Granddaughter Wisdom



She’s just turned five and  is the less outgoing of the twins. Katie reminds me of myself in lots of ways. She’s athletic, prefers jeans to dresses, and has so many stories in her imaginative little head that at days end, she’s traveled the universe.


Last weekend, lucky me spent the afternoon with both the girls and their sweet Papa. We began with our ritual…tea with Grammie using real china cups and I might add, some pretty primo tea. I wanna raise ’em right! Then, a little artwork before we headed down to the nearby neighborhood field for our very first family baseball game. And, as luck would have it, we had the whole field to ourselves! It didn’t take but a few misses before both the girls got that baseball hitting “bug”. The feel of smacking a tennis ball with an over-sized bat was addictive, so their Papa and I got plenty of exercise in the outfield, and they were hoarse from screaming with joy. It was Heaven for this Grammie.


After some hot chocolate and dancing to a street band near where I live, we headed back home. Kate hadn’t put the bat down and had created stories for its use, appointing herself the “owner” of that bat. Sarah lagged behind, her little lower lip now telling me something was up. Falling back to be with her, I asked her about the lip and she said, “I’m sad because I don’t want to go home.” By the time we opened my front door, Kate too had alligator tears just waiting to roll down her face.


“I’m gonna miss you, Grammie”, she volunteered. Almost crying myself, I squatted beside both of them. “Grammie is going to miss you too.”
“Do you love me, Grammie?” Katie asked me and caught me quite by surprise.  Almost choking from my heart breaking, I said, “Of course I do. More than the moon”. Then, this little 5 year old said something that sums up real love…”I know. When you really love somebody, you really miss them when they’re gone.” Holding back tears, I shook my head, knowing the wisdom and the pain she felt.


Part of loving is the inevitability of losing it at some point in the journey. And, whether it’s our grandchildren, our life partner or even when we are thinking about loving again after we’ve lost someone through death or divorce…we must embrace the bittersweet with the ecstasy of loving.


If you’re ready to risk loving again, I would love to walk beside you and guide you to that special someone with whom you can share this amazing chapter of your life.

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big RED Chair   510-817-4242







THIS is What Women Want…


This morning I decided it was time to shave my legs…or braid them. Pulling that shaver from the drawer and wondering if I was going to need hair clippers for the job,  I realized my “hiatus” from dating has gone on for way too long. Just like I tell my clients, I stop when I begin to feel discouraged and hear myself saying, “All men….”, even when my heart knows better.


As I changed the rusty blade, I smiled and started singing one of my favorite Keb Mo songs, “Shave Yo’ Legs”. Every time I’d hear it, it made me want to cry and here’s why…

You don’t need no fancy tricks

Painted eyes or glossy lips

I love you just the way you are
Hope you don’t mind my beat-up car

You don’t need to change your dress
You don’t need to change your shoes

Don’t try to hide your natural looks
Forget about the cover let me read the book

Don’t get me wrong I like them heels
But the way I feel is the way I feel

You don’t need to change your dress
You don’t need to change your shoes

Go ahead be wild and free
You don’t have to shave yo’ legs for me.

Hunnybabe don’t starve yourself
You’re lookin’ good you’re lookin’ well

And I’m proud to have you by my side
Glad to have you in my life

You don’t have to clean my house
You don’t have to wash my clothes

Go ahead be wild and free
‘Cause you don’t have to shave yo’ legs for me

You’re an angel

You don’t have to read them magazines
You already know how to get to me

Just be yourself and I will too
That’s all we really have to do

You don’t have to be ashamed
You don’t have to hide your knees

Go ahead be wild and free
You don’t have to shave yo’ legs for me.

Now go ahead be wild and free
You don’t have to shave yo’ legs for me.


Yep, guys. That’s what we want to hear from you, and you don’t need a guitar or to even be able to carry a tune to tell us. I’m betting too that you’ve already tried over and over to tell the woman you love that you love her just the way she is, and maybe she didn’t hear you? That’s because many of us have a lifetime of really screwed up messages about loving ourselves just the way we are. Years of media, the cosmetics industry, and sometimes families who never knew how deep the shame would go into our bodies when they told us we were skinny or fat, or had ugly knees or hair that looked like dirty dishwater. And for about 1 in 5 of us, the shame that we carry from men who abused us.


It’s gonna take a lot of repetition for most of us to really trust you mean it. And, we will so love you for it every time and every way you can tell us just how much we’re loved by you… exactly the way we are.

Are you tired of waking up alone and ready to do the work it takes to find real love, again? Can you imagine finding someone who will love you just the way you are? You can do it and if you’re ready to find out how, I’ll be your guide on the journey.

Email me or call me to set up an appointment for a Complimentary Session to learn more about “Finding Love and Keeping the Love You Find”

Donna Bailey, MS


Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big Red Chair



You Don’t Have to Do It Alone This Year


There is a lot of advice directed at single people during the holiday season about how not to feel lonely or eat every single piece of chocolate ever produced. I wonder how many of the articles and blog posts are authored by people who are themselves, single?


Unless you’re like Tom Hanks, stranded on an island and talking to a soccer ball, you are probably not really alone. But not having a sweetheart or a life partner or, for  God’s sake, not even a date for the holidays can make you feel deeply alone.  Though it feels just lousy, the truth is that most of us have at least one friend left after a lifetime of creating our messes and trying to wipe up after ourselves. Most of us have more than one person who loves us but in our isolation, we seem to forget.


Human beings aren’t  meant to be alone at any time of the year except for vision quests and solo retreats designed to bring them back to humanity or escape briefly from children when they are toddlers. Connection is the way all animals survive and thrive, and whether we like to admit it or not,  we qualify as a member of that kingdom.


This year, I’ve already started planning my holidays. I don’t want to be Warrior Woman, convince myself I will be just fine doing them alone. I won’t be just fine at all! So, I’m copping  to the animal thing…no, I’m not suggesting anything strange here. I’m planning  ahead to be sure I have connection and an abundance of contentment.


If your family or friends are far away physically or emotionally, here’s how to find some new ones. Volunteer at a food pantry, soup kitchen, nursing home, children’s services agency, Toys for Tots. Find your favorite kind of family, perhaps of the canine or feline ilk, and surround yourself with the love that giving of yourself can bring. Connect, give, receive and look at next year as an opportunity to perhaps find the next love of your life. For now, experience the feelings holidays can bring when we reach out to those in our lives who love us this year.

It’s never to late or early to begin looking for someone to love. Aren’t you tired of traveling alone, watching the sun set with nobody’s arm around you? If you’re ready to do whatever it takes, you might find the next love of your life before they strike up “Auld Lang Syne”

Give me a call or email me to make an appointment for a

Complimentary Session to find out more about Finding Love in 90 Days


Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big RED Chair



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