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How to Have the Best Valentines Day Ever

 

Who says that Valentine’s Day is all about getting? If you really want to feel loved on February 14, try giving it away.

 

A few years ago I was Little Miss Lonely Hearts, living in a city where men drove pick-up trucks with gun racks. The trees were bare, wind howled, snow fell and the dreaded V Day was approaching. I knew I had to do something drastic to get myself through it.

 

I slipped and slid on mountain roads to the nearest Ingles (California’s Safeway), bought 10 boxes of cake mix, frosting and some of my favorite candy hearts. Do you remember them…the ones with the messages that you carefully selected to give to those cute little boys and girls in your class that you “loved”?

 

I baked all day and half the night and had 240 cupcakes with those messages of love on top. On Valentine’s Day, I took to the streets where I knew the homeless hung out during the day when the shelters were closed. I found them huddled near buildings, under blankets…women with small children and men whose lifetime of struggle could only be made better by a swig of cheap wine in a crumpled brown paper bag.

 

The look on their faces was all I needed that Valentine’s Day to help my pathetic self remember what love is all about. Faces of children who didn’t even know what day it was suddenly remembered. Old men who were once in elementary school laughed when they read the messages on those candy Valentines. And they all were the embodiment of grace.

 

This year if you are without a date or a partner on Valentine’s Day, try giving your love away to those who need it most. Take some cupcakes or those sweet little Valentine candies down to the Salvation Army or a local shelter. If you feel the love for animals, take some toys or doggy treats to your local SPCA. Share the love!

 

Would you like to bake cupcakes with that special someone next year?

Let’s talk about how you can find Love in 90 Days!

 

Donna Bailey, MS

Dating and Relationships Coach for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big RED Chair

510-817-4242  donna@donnasbigredchair.love

www.donnasbigredchair.love

Big Red Chair

 

 

Valentine’s Day Can Be a Bear!

 

Valentine’s Day memories go way back for most of us.

Does anyone remember those packages of flimsy cardboard Valentines that we bought at Walgreens, making sure we had enough for everybody in our classroom? It was such fun cutting with our blunt end scissors, making those heart-shaped pockets that would hold all the “love” and glitter from the Valentines that the other kids would surely give us.  Did you ever come to school before the BIG DAY and peek into your pocket to see how many were in there? 

 

This day, touted as the “day of love”, is loaded for most of us, both men and women. It is an “either/or” kind of holiday, a holiday of anticipating and waiting to see if and how much you are loved, and when we are not in a relationship, Hallmark tells us that we are NOT loved…at least this year.

 

No matter how many ways my brain tells me that this is all a manufactured holiday and that real love is not buried in chocolate or expensive dinners, my heart still aches every single year I find myself “alone” on Valentine’s Day. It is in my bones, this message about February 14 and I am angry about that.

 

What do I recommend to all my readers as a way of coping with this holiday? Find a good friend who loves you even without your make-up, with dirty hair and in your ratty pajamas. If you are a man, celebrate not having to figure women out on this holiday! But, make a plan! Avoid restaurants at all costs and if you enjoy wine, buy yourself a nice bottle and enjoy every drop. No conversation is off-limits, but be sure they contain words of love, acceptance and joy for all the love that IS in your life EVERY YEAR.

 

Don’t fight the feelings around this holiday. Give advertising and marketing its due for being the King of Brainwashing. And remember, soon it will be over for another 365 days! The holiday, not love!

 

Are you a hopeful romantic, tired of watching those sunsets alone and ready to do the work to find YOUR VALENTINE? You can do it, and I will show you how? 

You’re only 90 Days to Love...so let’s talk about beginning that journey NOW!

 

Donna Bailey, MS
Donna’s Big Red Chair
510-817-4242  donna@donnasbigredchair.love
www.donnasbigredchair.love

 

Big Red Chair

The Day I Married Myself

Photo from NPR.org

 

 

Some years ago during that predictable time of the year when big changes always seem to come whether I request them or not, I was winding my way through a divorce. If you’ve been there, you know the crazy mixture of  joy and sadness it brings. The weather in the Northeast echoed it in full color. Those beautiful autumn leaves reminding me that change was part of the deal of living.  So, as the leaves fell to the ground and wafer-thin ice appeared on the lakes around my house, the reality of  once again, being single came crashing down.

 

This was the second time a relationship had “failed”. I hadn’t yet learned that no relationship is a failure unless measured by the yardstick of marriage. And unless I believed that it had all been pointless and a waste of time, I only needed to look at this beautiful son of mine who had been one of many gifts from this man with whom I’d spent 13 years of my life and who had been a wonderful parent to my older son too. He’d taught me many things that would change my life forever, including my now keen awareness that I had skipped a step that had affected every day of our relationship. I had failed to marry myself.

 

When we don’t know ourselves, what we want or need, or how to ask for that from another human being, we lean on them like an oak tree in danger of falling over. We look into their eyes for all our comfort, reassurance and love to fill those empty parts of us which long to be filled.  And so, I had been looking for that someone to love me, not so much like a partner, perhaps, but unconditionally, like a  parent. And for me, when my husband didn’t deliver,  I was angry, disappointed and of course knowing it was his problem, not mine, I was out the door.

 

Some months passed, Maine’s cold winter arrived right on time and I found myself staring at beautiful gold rings in the goldsmith jeweler’s window in a sweet Maine town that I frequently visited. My favorite restaurant was there and it buzzed with bright, vibrant professionals talking about legislative issues. Mothers met to stay sane, some having sent their kids off to school with sandwiches made of Wonder bread, while other “Earth Mothers” wouldn’t dare. Tables for one welcomed those with a book and that  was my salvation during long winters.

 

I stood in the cold in front of the goldsmith shop, my engagement ring in a little velvet box in my pocket. It was time to get rid of that reminder and the jeweler had offered to look at it. So, kicking my boots on the steps, I stepped inside to wait until he could see me. In one of the glass cases there was a beautiful gold untreated turquoise ring. Untreated turquoise is soft, beautifully dark and somehow calming, but not enough to calm that deep sadness that was washing over me. Feeling the sting of tears, I got out of the shop and walked along the river. As I walked, I realized that before I could love another, I needed to love myself, to be able to meet my own needs, take care of myself for awhile…”to love, honor and cherish” ME.

 

I went back to the jeweler, removed the diamond ring from my pocket and took that turquoise ring home. The following day I said my vows to myself, to that child part of me and the strong, capable woman too. I learned to honor and love myself, always knowing one day, I would take more of myself to meet a man who would love me too.

If there’s someone you know that really wants love in their life, forward this post on to them…

 

Are you tired of watching sunsets alone? Ready to find someone to love and enjoy this next chapter of your amazing life? Don’t know how to begin, or if to begin? That’s why I’m here…to show you the way from loving yourself to loving another.

Email or call me today for a copy of my “Love Readiness Quiz” and a complimentary 30-minute session. Begin as a Valentines Gift for Yourself…and by next year, you might just be kissing the one you LOVE!

510-817-4242  donna@donnasbigredchair.love

 

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big Red Chair

510-817-4242  donna@donnasbigredchair.love

www.donnasbigredchair.love

Big Red Chair

 

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