What’s Wrong With The “Irish Goodbye”?


Lately, I’ve been swimming in the pool of online dating. It’s there that we can save ourselves a lot of money on therapy and where after a month or two, might feel like we need therapy five days a week.


We can think we’ve pretty much got it all together in our lives, and perhaps in most areas, we’re doing pretty dang well. And then, the gut starts to churn, we find ourselves ruminating…usually about times when he said/she said or did_________. It’s then we know we’re not so sparkly clean and free from the debris loving always leaves behind.


I’m old school I guess, and perhaps my expectations of myself and other human beings are too high, but I am a believer in courtesy, kindness, respect and following the Golden Rule that seems to have merit enough to show up in every religion and spiritual practice including California’s favorite…agnosticism. Even nature asks that when we hike or camp that we leave the forest as we found it, or on a good day, better than we found it.


They call it “ghosting” now though some of us know it as the “Irish goodbye”, and when it happens to us, we only feel it as ” being abandoned”. Not one of us gets out of this life without having been left by someone and it always leaves a scar because we’re human. This is why we should really think before we leave without saying goodbye.


When a friend hurts us, disappoints or makes us angry, who doesn’t want to walk away and never come back? It’s the easy way and they deserve it, right? When you have a lovely conversation with a new person you’ve met at a party, or online and it ends with, “Let’s have lunch and talk some more about this!”. When someone in that pool of humans seeking love sends you an email, and you’re not interested, what should you do?


It takes courage to tell your friend they hurt you or made you angry. It takes nothing to walk away. It takes a few precious minutes of your time to say “Thank you for contacting me…” when he/she sends you that email that it took courage for them to even risk writing. And, for God’s sake, if you don’t want to have lunch with them, don’t say you do!


Life is hard for all of us in many ways. Our souls are tender. We need more and more to be treated well by one another so that some days it fuels us to take one more step. Let’s remember those bruises in ourselves, know that we all have them, and finish what we started with courage. It’s OK to say you don’t want to be friends any more. That you aren’t interested in him/her. But, have the courage and caring to finish what you started. You’ll feel better and I can promise you, that other person will too.


Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big Red Chair


Are you a hopeless romantic and tired of watching sunsets alone? Ready to share this next amazing chapter of your life with someone special? I can show you the way.

Call me at 510-817-4242 and let’s see if we’re a match to help you find

Love in 90 Days!




It’s My Birthday!!


It’s my birthday today and how great is that!!  I love my birthday and always have. Wherever in the world did we get the notion that we aren’t supposed to tell anybody or celebrate it with crashing cymbals and fireworks, even if nobody’s around!? Who told us to keep it on the down-low? What’s not wonderful about being born and still being alive and able to choose what we are going to do on our birthdays, and every day?


Today I am going to give myself a gift. It seems lately that I’ve been noticing more than ever before just how hard I am on myself. It’s nothing new and in fact, it has been my most constant companion. Those monkeys in my mind that say “never enough” or “shoulda” kinds of things all day long. It’s exhausting!!! 


Now, we all know that those monkeys took up residence not at my own request, but because my parents and grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, ministers and teachers didn’t have a clue that I was pretty perfect, naturally flawed, and needed what they couldn’t give through no fault of their own. It’s what they knew to do. And watching my two sons lovingly parent my grandchildren gives me such joy because I can no longer see those monkeys.


This year’s present to myself is compassion. When I want to look backwards instead of forward, I’ll catch myself before I fall down that rabbit hole. When I pull out the mallet and am tempted to beat myself up for what I haven’t done, I promise to stop myself and smile at just how much I have done that day. When I’m out in this gorgeous world of such profound beauty and that feeling that I should be doing something “productive” washes over me, I promise to stop dead in my tracks, take a deep breath and smile knowing this moment is all I have and by God, I’m gonna enjoy it!


My wish for you is that you too will celebrate your birthday this year with reckless abandon. That you will tell all the world how happy you are to have been born and to have yet another day to feel the gifts life offers every second. Here’s hoping those monkeys find a sanctuary.

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big Red Chair


Are you a hopeless romantic, tired of watching sunsets alone and ready to find that special someone with whom to share this next amazing chapter of your life? If you are ready, I can show you the way

Call or email me for a Complimentary Strategy Session to learn about how to find love in 90 days!



Trusting Myself Again


As you know, I’m back out in the world of dating again and like I say all the time, “it’s a numbers game”. Online dating truly does offer the numbers and in those numbers are some “keepers” and some cow patties. You have to step right into some of those on the yellow brick road to what you hope will be a fabulous horse of a different color this time.


We all know about Red Flags…the ones that slap us right in the face the moment we see them. For some, it’s “Never been married” and others, under Income: “I’d rather not say”. But what about Pink Flags? What are they, you might ask? Pinks are the things you see when you read his profile that cause little nagging feelings in your gut…something just “isn’t quite right”. You pause and it feels so seemingly unimportant or subtle you say, “Good grief, there’s nothing wrong with that. You don’t know if he meant it that way.” And on you march, feeling more attracted by the minute, tamping down that little voice that says, “Wait a minute. Look again.”


I am a sucker for a great writer. Someone whose writing makes me feel like I just ate a chocolate eclair. Speaking of eclairs, if he says he loves to cook and adds “for you” to that, I want to pack an overnight bag right then and there. All the other pink flags just become placemats.


You see, I learn each time I put myself out here. I now know words ARE beautiful and food is an amazing aphrodisiac but they aren’t the foundation for a relationship that has good bones. They don’t tell me if he wants the same things I want in a relationship, if he is the kind of man who wants to work together when we hit the bumpy phase, and if he’s the kind of guy who will love it when I dance in the kitchen and want to crawl up on his lap when I feel afraid. I’m still learning to trust that this time, I’ll  look past the glass cases filled with eclairs, and instead look for a strong, healthy, kind man who might be standing right beside me.

Are you tired of watching sunsets alone? Ready to find someone to share this next amazing chapter of your life? I can show you the way!

Call or email me to set up a time for a Complimentary Session

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”

Donna’s Big Red Chair


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