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It’s My Birthday!!

 

It’s my birthday today and how great is that!!  I love my birthday and always have. Wherever in the world did we get the notion that we aren’t supposed to tell anybody or celebrate it with crashing cymbals and fireworks, even if nobody’s around!? Who told us to keep it on the down-low? What’s not wonderful about being born and still being alive and able to choose what we are going to do on our birthdays, and every day?

 

Today I am going to give myself a gift. It seems lately that I’ve been noticing more than ever before just how hard I am on myself. It’s nothing new and in fact, it has been my most constant companion. Those monkeys in my mind that say “never enough” or “shoulda” kinds of things all day long. It’s exhausting!!! 

 

Now, we all know that those monkeys took up residence not at my own request, but because my parents and grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, ministers and teachers didn’t have a clue that I was pretty perfect, naturally flawed, and needed what they couldn’t give through no fault of their own. It’s what they knew to do. And watching my two sons lovingly parent my grandchildren gives me such joy because I can no longer see those monkeys.

 

This year’s present to myself is compassion. When I want to look backwards instead of forward, I’ll catch myself before I fall down that rabbit hole. When I pull out the mallet and am tempted to beat myself up for what I haven’t done, I promise to stop myself and smile at just how much I have done that day. When I’m out in this gorgeous world of such profound beauty and that feeling that I should be doing something “productive” washes over me, I promise to stop dead in my tracks, take a deep breath and smile knowing this moment is all I have and by God, I’m gonna enjoy it!

 

My wish for you is that you too will celebrate your birthday this year with reckless abandon. That you will tell all the world how happy you are to have been born and to have yet another day to feel the gifts life offers every second. Here’s hoping those monkeys find a sanctuary.

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big Red Chair

510-817-4242    donna@donnasbigredchair.love

www.donnasbigredchair.love

Are you a hopeless romantic, tired of watching sunsets alone and ready to find that special someone with whom to share this next amazing chapter of your life? If you are ready, I can show you the way

Call or email me for a Complimentary Strategy Session to learn about how to find love in 90 days!

 

 

Trusting Myself Again

 

As you know, I’m back out in the world of dating again and like I say all the time, “it’s a numbers game”. Online dating truly does offer the numbers and in those numbers are some “keepers” and some cow patties. You have to step right into some of those on the yellow brick road to what you hope will be a fabulous horse of a different color this time.

 

We all know about Red Flags…the ones that slap us right in the face the moment we see them. For some, it’s “Never been married” and others, under Income: “I’d rather not say”. But what about Pink Flags? What are they, you might ask? Pinks are the things you see when you read his profile that cause little nagging feelings in your gut…something just “isn’t quite right”. You pause and it feels so seemingly unimportant or subtle you say, “Good grief, there’s nothing wrong with that. You don’t know if he meant it that way.” And on you march, feeling more attracted by the minute, tamping down that little voice that says, “Wait a minute. Look again.”

 

I am a sucker for a great writer. Someone whose writing makes me feel like I just ate a chocolate eclair. Speaking of eclairs, if he says he loves to cook and adds “for you” to that, I want to pack an overnight bag right then and there. All the other pink flags just become placemats.

 

You see, I learn each time I put myself out here. I now know words ARE beautiful and food is an amazing aphrodisiac but they aren’t the foundation for a relationship that has good bones. They don’t tell me if he wants the same things I want in a relationship, if he is the kind of man who wants to work together when we hit the bumpy phase, and if he’s the kind of guy who will love it when I dance in the kitchen and want to crawl up on his lap when I feel afraid. I’m still learning to trust that this time, I’ll  look past the glass cases filled with eclairs, and instead look for a strong, healthy, kind man who might be standing right beside me.

Are you tired of watching sunsets alone? Ready to find someone to share this next amazing chapter of your life? I can show you the way!

Call or email me to set up a time for a Complimentary Session

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”

Donna’s Big Red Chair

510-817-4242   donna@donnasbigredchair.love

www.donnasbigredchair.love

A Crisis of Faith About Love? Go to a Bar!

 

OK, I am the last person to recommend drowning sorrow in alcohol, but on occasion, it’s just fine. And you never know what kind of love you might find there.

I found love in a bar one evening last year. And I left with a new someone that I definitely love.

A woman friend I recently met called to say, drop what you are doing and join me for a hamburger (at the local Trader Vic’s only a boardwalk away). I was just about to put some Trader Joe’s sodium soaked, high carbs on a slab into the oven, put my post-Grammie feet up and accept that this was how I was going to spend my Saturday night when I remembered what a 94 year old woman once told me. I asked her what the secret of living a long life was. She said, “Don’t sit down, keep learning, don’t turn on the TV and say ‘Yes’ to everything you feel like saying ‘No’ to.”

Arriving, I saw my friend sitting with 4 senior women and 1 man, walker parked beside him. He was our “designated driver”! I sat beside Jane, a woman from Latvia who later told me her husband was a jazz artist and revealed more than once how their great sex kept him from behaving like a touring musician. There were stories in that group that nobody would believe, except the young couple who were sitting next to us. He was French, 28 and cute as a button. She was from Michigan and they were there to watch that gorgeous sunset. And the party was about to begin.

By evening’s end, we were joined by a man from Jamaica via the state of Georgia. There was the bi-sexual couple, a May-December romance and one romantic man delivered every woman’s fantasy by declaring his love for his date to the entire restaurant. And all the while, old talked to young about lives lived, Pokemon Go,  about politics and getting out the vote. We clinked glasses “to love!” and knew we were talking about more than romantic love. People of color, seniors, lesbians, and even the waitstaff joined with us to toast the real America. We were united. We knew once again what really loving each other means. We felt the oneness and joy of connection.

I walked home with my new friend and even though I didn’t have a man to kiss goodnight now, I knew a kind of  love equally joyful. It was the perfect antidote to a week of crawling news bits that if we’re not careful will convince us that there is no love. I knew that night what Fake News really was.

 

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”

Donna’s Big Red Chair

510-817-4242   donna@donnasbigredchair.love

www.donnasbigredchair.love

A hopeless romantic? Tired of watching those sunsets alone? Want to share this next amazing chapter of your life with someone wonderful and unsure how to find them? If you’re really ready, I can show you the way.

Call or email me to schedule a Complimentary Session so you can Find Love in 90 Days!

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