In order to make a relationship work, at some point you must choose to become a couple instead of two individuals living side by side. This is not to say that each person needs to sacrifice their individuality, but when there are differences of opinion, points of view or recalling the “facts” in a disagreement, the decision to put the relationship first must be made.
The need to be right comes from many sources. We live in a highly competitive world where boys and men are taught that they must always win or be deemed “weak” by their peers and society as a whole. Families are often competitive and some children learn to vie for parental attention by being the best. When they are not successful many children become adults who feel abandoned and invisible and their sense of self suffers.
One way some people learn to overcompensate for low self-esteem is by putting others down so that they feel “better than” and by maintaining they are “right”it implies the other person must be “wrong”. Controlling others or having to win every time always results in disaster.
Relationships thrive when a couple comes together to work through disagreements. When one person chooses the relationship over the need to be right, the other person actually feels honored and more loved.
Prove this to yourself. The next time you are beginning to argue with your partner and you notice you want to be “right”, stop yourself right in the middle of the argument or better yet, at the beginning when you feel things begin to escalate. Remind yourself how much more important your partner is than being right. Something magic happens when you can rise above your ego’s need to be in control, and make room for the peace that letting go of being right can bring.
If you find yourself unable to do this, it may be time to seek help from a relationship professional. This can be a complex issue that requires more than your willingness in order to change this pattern. You CAN find and keep love in your life by taking the first step. Ask for help. That truly is the RIGHT thing to do.
Please Re-post This on Your Social Media Sites. We ALL Need a Reminder!
It takes two to tango and to resolve conflicts. If you are looking for someone to share this next amazing chapter of your life, you’ll want to include in your “non-negotiables” the willingness and ability to solve conflicts. Need some help developing that list so that you know exactly what he/she “looks” like?
Call me for a Complimentary Session and let’s get you on the road to love.
Donna Bailey, MS
Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”
Donna’s Big Red Chair