God how we want certainty in our lives. We think it’s the only way we can rest and finally have peace of mind. A big sigh, a “WHEW” that someone told us would make us happy.
For a moment, imagine if you were certain about everything in your life including the time, place and way that you would pass from this world to the next. Really. Take the time to just imagine it. It’s like an episode of the tv series, “Black Mirror”, or to us over 50, Rod Serling welcoming us to the “Twilight Zone”. You see, it was all a lie. Life is in and of itself a constant state of change, unless of course you’ve already found your rocking chair and are just waiting for the Grim Reaper.
Lately, I’ve been aware of how much I fight change in my life and it’s sidekick, “Uncertainty”. I want to tie things up in a cute little package and put a bow on it, brush my hands back and forth and declare, “Whew, that’s done!”. I hate not knowing so much that I’ve made it my number one intention to try and make friends with it, maybe even treat it like a vat of homemade ice cream…something I look forward to every day.
Right now, one big change in my life is moving out of the sweetest little place I’ve ever lived. I have clung to it when all else was swaying in the breeze or the bottom was falling out of my life. And now, it’s time to imagine what amazing things are going to happen because I’m letting go of that certainty.
Relationships can fail or thrive around certainty. When we are seeking love, that list resembling a Deli order sheet can be full of the “qualities” we think we have to have in order to be happy. They are, after all, things that we feel always made us happy…but, have they? Some check marks on our order form reflect the pain we have suffered and are our “never agains”. Rarely do we look at ourselves and how we may have changed over the years. Perhaps in truth, that list doesn’t reflect who we are or what we want NOW.
A chapter of love that has a longer history, certainty can be a gift. The familiarity of warts and crazies of the person we love can give us peace of mind. And, we can be blind to aspects that have certainly changed, both in our partners and our sweet selves. Comfort and certainty may be our stuck place, preventing us from risking new things and opening ourselves to fear that sharing our new and different selves might create chaos. Never are we taught that change is juicy and wonderful, only to stay in the land of what we know, or believe we know.
As this new year begins, take a really long look at yourself. Be inquisitive. Who are you now and what do you want in this chapter of your life? If you are single and looking for love, be sure and update yourself as you see that now. Perhaps things that mattered earlier have disappeared and I hope you will allow yourself the joy of realizing that what you want now might surprise you. It’s time to let go of the presumptions of “Certainty” and just let yourself fly!
Are you limiting your chances for finding a wonderful person with whom to share the next chapter of your amazing life? Need to look at yourself as you are today and then do whatever you need to do to find someone to share your life NOW?
Call me at 510-817-4242 for a Complimentary Session to see just what’s getting in your way and how to invite new love into your life.
Donna Bailey, MS
Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”
Donna’s Big Red Chair