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Hope for Your New Year…

crocus pushing up through snow

 

One of my favorite poets is May Sarton and as we move together into a brand spanking new year, I won’t begin to try and say it better than she…

 

“It is not strange, though it is mysterious that our ‘New Year’ comes at the darkest time in the seasonal cycle. When there is personal darkness, when there is pain to be overcome, when we are forced to renew ourselves against all the odds, the psychic energy required simply to survive has tremendous force, as great as that of a bulb pushing up through icy ground in spring, so after the overcoming, there is extra energy, a flood of energy that can go into creation.”

-May Sarton

May you have a blessed NEW year filled with LOVE!

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert, Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”

Donna’s Big RED Chair

510-817-4242  donna@donnasbigredchair.love

OMG, What am I Going to Do Now?

road-trip-advice

 

There is only one thing we can guarantee this new year to bring and that is change. Sometimes we ask for it. A hidden populus votes a man with zero experience in running a country into the highest office in the United States under the banner of change not even knowing perhaps what they want changed, simply that they don’t like things the way they are.

 

Nature must have known that change could be dangerous. We evolved lizard brains that have only one setting, “Don’t Change. Danger!!!”, and thanks to the lizard, we stay alive when motorists threaten to run us over or our bodies say, “Geezzz, 18 below and they say there is no such thing as climate change?” while we put on our llama-lined socks with heaters.

 

Yes, things around us change every second of our lives and yet, change is frightening for most of us even if we are miserable where we are.  As the saying goes, “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.”

 

This year I know for certain now that I will be moving from my sweet little sanctuary that has for four years sheltered me and fed my soul. Its southern exposure warmed my spirit and body no matter the season. My walks alongside the Bay, beautiful views as spectacular as anywhere in the world, a safe, snuggly tree house where I could look down at a busy world and up at the most astounding sunsets you can imagine. And now I have to move in the coming year, and today, I can only feel sadness and a longing to keep things the same.

 

Here’s what I know about change given a lifetime of moving from coast to coast, developing new businesses and moving on to the next thing, and yes, not being a woman who has a trophy for “longest marriage”.  The sadness and the fear are truly temporary. Next will come the excitement and the wonder of what will be next? Perhaps the Bay won’t be in view, but I’m betting something else just as beautiful is waiting right around the corner. Would I have chosen any of this? No. But often, change chooses for us and like toddlers, we are tugged along with no idea where the hell we are going.

 

So wherever you are in your life, know that it will be different tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. Stay curious and excited and open so that you can absorb the juiciness that change will bring to your life. Yes, it’s scary as hell at times. You’ll feel lost in the dark woods. Days may go by where you can’t get out of your pajamas and you need a rake to comb your matted hair. Just stay with it and let it take you to places yet unknown.

 

Happy New Year and Bring on the Changes!

If you’re tired of watching those sunsets alone and really ready to CHANGE your life so that you can find that special someone with whom to share this next amazing chapter,  I can show you how.

Call me at 520-817-4242 or email me at donna@donnasbigredchair.love for a Complimentary Strategy Session today. 

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”

Donna’s Big Red Chair

510-817-4242   donna@donnasbigredchair.love

www.donnasbigredchair.love

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You Got Yours…I Got Mine

 

baggage-couples-help-love-favim-com-572229

 

“Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
Could we just be broken together?
If you can bring your shattered dreams and I’ll bring mine
Could healing still be spoken and save us?
The only way we’ll last forever is broken together”

Excerpted from “Broken Together” performed by Casting Crowns

 

Most of my life I thought there was a man out there who was better than the one that was in my life.

Someone with a mother who hadn’t criticized and judged him , a father who loved him just the way he was, a man who still believed in love and who could show up with everything necessary for a healthy and happy relationship. Is it too much to ask??

 

Years passed, my relationships began blissfully and ended sadly and still I believed that Mr. Close to Perfect just hadn’t appeared yet. Maybe he would be in the next round of “Matches for This Week”.

 

It takes as long as it takes to learn something, but thank God I finally got it! Everybody that has lived as long as I have is battered and bruised and comes with an array of gashes, scars and a few gaping holes in their souls. And guess who’s among them?

 

Often people who are single say they are looking for a healthy partner with no baggage. Most want to begin with a clean slate, but it isn’t gonna happen. We are all like famous paintings hanging in the Louvre, each of us with layer upon layer of old “paint”, the product of countless ” failed”attempts. 

 

Successful relationships are possible and well worth the courage it takes. We grow them only when the soil is forgiving and the gardener is compassionate. Before we can expect someone to love us as flawed imperfect people, we MUST learn to love and accept our own imperfection.

 

Don’t get me wrong. There are many people who are unable to create and sustain healthy, functional relationships. And there are people who are toxic and unhealthy for us. No amount of love can change them. A therapist, maybe. It’s the man or woman that has the health and humility to see their part in past relationships that didn’t work, can see the need for changing something in themselves so that they get different results, and most of all a DEEP DESIRE to do the work it takes together with a partner who wants that very same thing….a loving, nurturing relationship with a foundation of trust and the guts to stay when the urge to run feels like a case of poison ivy.

 

Stop looking for perfection in a partner. If you are one of the lucky ones and find a special someone with whom you want to share precious time on this Earth, cultivate compassion and summon the courage to dig deep to make it work.

Does this sound like something you’ve done and maybe are still doing in your search for love? If you’re ready to do the work to get rid of this roadblock so that you can find someone to share the next fabulous chapter of your life…Call me at 510-817-4242 and let’s do a Strategy Session together so that next time this year, you’re happy looking in that mirror!

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer, Expert in Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”

Donna’s Big RED Chair

www.donnasbigredchair.love

donna@donnasbigredchair.love   510-817-4242

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