Donna Bailey

From My Corner

 

I have a third floor apartment in an old apartment building that isn’t in the greatest part of town. But I love the perch that overlooks the most amazing life out there. Life I might never have seen from a nicer apartment in a better part of town.

I’ve  been sitting in corners of rooms in the many homes I’ve  occupied in my gypsy lifetime. I always found the perfect room where the morning light arrived and created a feeling of abundance and reverence when my body says “Get up! You might miss something.”

Some mornings I see the fox who seems to violate the rule of being a nocturnal animal, grabbing the early hours just as the sun breaks through the mist that loves floating down my street. Other mornings, there are doves perched on all three sides of the pitched roof of the church that my living room window frames so perfectly. The “Holy Triumpherate” I call them.

A few weeks ago,  a bald eagle sat atop the very unattractive transformer on the telephone pole. Can you believe that! And hawks abound. I’m really going to miss their calls as winter moves in right behind that fog coming down the street.

Then there are the people…so many stories out my window. They feel like old friends…the man walking his Golden Retriever without ever knowing how happy he makes me feel during this crazy pandemic.  People on their bikes heading for work. And the homeless man with his dog who adores him and is well cared for by someone who might just surprise people that believe “they can’t take care of an animal or afford one if they don’t have the money for food”. Every time I see them, they are taking care of each other.

The Daisy Scouts constructed a food cabinet that now sits in front of the church. In these times when 1 in 5 of our own children are not getting enough to eat, people from every walk of life show up for food and toiletries in the early morning hours or sometimes after dark. I know their stories from my own personal experience as a young child . Watching them open the glass doors, I can still feel the sadness and shame of it, and the gratitude for the goodness of that Scout troop.

Right outside my window, there’s everything life is about. Nature to soothe me. Daily reminders to get up and do something for others, and the gift of inner peace that can be hard to come by these days. I hope you have a place that gives you nourishment and that you feel a call to action that will remind you just how powerful you are right now. Start with voting…that’s the most important thing all of us can do to create lasting change.

 

Feeling like you are untethered and powerless? Looking for a plan to get through this time with less anxiety and sadness? I would be honored to listen to you and help you find ways to weather this storm. Just email me at donna@donnasbigredchair.love and we will make a plan.

 

It’s One of the Hardest Things You’ll Ever Need to Do

 

This year I’m in a time of great transition. My gut seems to be playing the role of Rudolph, lighting the way in days or parts of days that can feel like a dark woods. It isn’t pleasant and sometimes it leaves me in a heap, having spent the day getting deeper and deeper into a big ball of yarn. What’s the secret sauce? I ask. I beg, I pray. I whine. You see, I don’t like being out of control. I just hate it!

 

This past year I lost my housing.  Five years ago friends who I adore rented their sweet little condo to me, telling me to  “make it your own”. There was no time limit, so we all thought. Then a year ago they needed to sell it and no amount of wishing could change that. It was time for a new chapter and yet, every time I tried to write it, there were no words. Maybe Stephen King can force himself to meet a deadline, but mine come when they come and no amount of forcing ever works. Same with which direction to go. Looking at a four-way intersection without a marker, not a clue which fork will get me there. It’s like looking at a blank canvas when you’ve got your paints and brushes all ready to go and feeling frozen by “too much white”.

 

What do we do when we are what I call “neither here nor there”…that state of airless suspended animation, or so it seems? Where nothing is happening and we are crying for the answers. You won’t like the answer and neither do I but here it is…NOTHING. We do nothing. Not because we give up, though we do have to let go of the stranglehold we have on it. You see, what we can’t see, feel or know is that we ARE doing something already. Our unconscious is working night and day. Invisible shifts in our landscape are moving us. And, if we can stop struggling like a woman who thinks she’s drowning in a pool until she puts her feet down and touches bottom…we have a chance to find some peace and serenity.

 

Answers come, break-ups heal, clarity and solutions mysteriously arrive when we trust. Perhaps we need to just trust our gut, our Higher Power, morning meditation time, our doctors and healers. When we’re lost and there’s no clear way to go, the only answer is doing nothing, waiting for the water to clear and knowing that though it feels like we’re alone, we never really are.  I hope whatever transition you are in this year, that you can let go of the choke-hold that you have on it, trust your gut and remember what worked for you in the past. I’m betting it was a big dose of faith.

 

Are you tired of struggling and wondering why you can’t find someone to love? Are you ready to look at what’s getting in your way? I’m here to help you see that there is love out there and show you how to find it.

If you’re in a life transition, looking for love, I offer a Complimentary Session

Call me at 510-817-4242 or email me at donna@donnasbigredchair.love to schedule a time!

 

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big RED Chair

www.donnasbigredchair.love

 

 

Granddaughter Wisdom

 

 

She’s just turned five and  is the less outgoing of the twins. Katie reminds me of myself in lots of ways. She’s athletic, prefers jeans to dresses, and has so many stories in her imaginative little head that at days end, she’s traveled the universe.

 

Last weekend, lucky me spent the afternoon with both the girls and their sweet Papa. We began with our ritual…tea with Grammie using real china cups and I might add, some pretty primo tea. I wanna raise ’em right! Then, a little artwork before we headed down to the nearby neighborhood field for our very first family baseball game. And, as luck would have it, we had the whole field to ourselves! It didn’t take but a few misses before both the girls got that baseball hitting “bug”. The feel of smacking a tennis ball with an over-sized bat was addictive, so their Papa and I got plenty of exercise in the outfield, and they were hoarse from screaming with joy. It was Heaven for this Grammie.

 

After some hot chocolate and dancing to a street band near where I live, we headed back home. Kate hadn’t put the bat down and had created stories for its use, appointing herself the “owner” of that bat. Sarah lagged behind, her little lower lip now telling me something was up. Falling back to be with her, I asked her about the lip and she said, “I’m sad because I don’t want to go home.” By the time we opened my front door, Kate too had alligator tears just waiting to roll down her face.

 

“I’m gonna miss you, Grammie”, she volunteered. Almost crying myself, I squatted beside both of them. “Grammie is going to miss you too.”
“Do you love me, Grammie?” Katie asked me and caught me quite by surprise.  Almost choking from my heart breaking, I said, “Of course I do. More than the moon”. Then, this little 5 year old said something that sums up real love…”I know. When you really love somebody, you really miss them when they’re gone.” Holding back tears, I shook my head, knowing the wisdom and the pain she felt.

 

Part of loving is the inevitability of losing it at some point in the journey. And, whether it’s our grandchildren, our life partner or even when we are thinking about loving again after we’ve lost someone through death or divorce…we must embrace the bittersweet with the ecstasy of loving.

 

If you’re ready to risk loving again, I would love to walk beside you and guide you to that special someone with whom you can share this amazing chapter of your life.

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big RED Chair

donna@donnasbigredchair.love   510-817-4242

www.donnasbigredchair.love

 

 

 

 

 

 

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