Is it a Turning Point for Men and Women?

 

This morning will be an opportunity for generations, both old and new, to see some truth about some men and a courageous woman and the struggle to find ourselves and our “rightful” place in the world in which we all live We’ve been evolving since the dawn of civilization, and today thanks to technology, we can witness a fork in the road that will allow us to see where we’ve been and where we now must go.

 

No matter your politics, what I hope you watch today is just how powerful our ego and our primitive brains are in our daily lives. It might help to see that Senate committee as if you are watching Planet of the Apes.

 

What is at stake today is fear and the loss of power that has protected men forever. When the fearful are IN power, their grip is like a choke-hold and the question within the fear is “What will I be if I lose my power?” Anihilation is what many of these older men fear. Who WILL they be when they have to share both power and responsibility for their past actions? Who were the teachers of these men? Why did they need to believe that absolute power and control was the only way to stay alive? Are they really the bad guys in any of this or were they set up with an impossible task…to take care of everything, including killing anybody that might harm their families? And does any of this matter now when we see the destruction that has occurred while they’ve worn this warrior mantel?

 

Today you will see the destruction this ego and power and fear has done to one woman. The “boys will be boys” belief that our culture espoused for decades. A hall pass, get out of jail free card that young men have been given in their sexual lives, destroying the lives of children, teens and adult women who are forever changed by violence against them.

 

To many of these men, power remains more important than any girl or woman, more important than their own integrity. Control over everything, including women’s bodies, their right to choose when they want children will be wrapped up in their final votes.

 

We can only hope and pray that some moral progress has been made since Joe Biden prematurely gaveled the Thomas hearing to a close and sacrificed the life on Anita Hill in exchange for power. Integrity is a non-negotiable in all of us. When we violate it, our wonderful soul just won’t stand for it. If those on the committee, both men and women choose power over fairness and justice, their souls won’t let them forget it. Problem is, the victim has spent her whole life unable to forget it.

 

So, I pray today for a surprise. A wonderful miraculous surprise that will show us the power of truth, love, justice and our compass that we call integrity. We don’t know the truth. Only those involved may claim that. But, we do know that the search for truth is essential, and this committee has not given these women the time of day, nor the time to hear the evidence that just MIGHT give them enough truth so that they can do what is right. If they can find the courage to risk their office, believe that voters will  support  them and their decisions to seek the truth, we will have changed the course of history, and one in every four women in this country who has been the victim of sexual abuse can breathe a little easier tomorrow.

It’s Safe to Love and Be Loved

 

 

This morning I was listening to a guided meditation. God bless technology and apps that can bring this kind of peace to my mornings. And, how often when I’ve been steeped in the down-side of technology for the past two weeks do I remember the upside of what it brings to my life every single day? Love and loving are like that too. I can get lost in the memories of the past that can make me want to ditch the whole dang thing. 

 

Her soothing voice gave me permission to lie down rather than sit up straight with my feet on the floor and my posture erect. Believe me, at 6 am the word “erect” is not in my vocabulary…well, that’s not totally true. OK…back to meditation. After a few deep breaths, my guide told me to think of someone with whom I feel totally at ease, with whom I can be myself and who makes me feel totally safe. My gratitude for more than one friend who fit that bill rose from the depths of my soul. How lucky was I that I had to decide which one of them I’d focus on this time?

 

One of my friends in California drifted into my heart. I remembered many times when we were together at her home, at restaurants…it didn’t matter which memory arose, what was so beautiful was that each and every time we were together over the years, I never had to be anyone other than who I was at that moment in time. No memories of feeling judged or her wanting me to change. Just the hum of acceptance and with that, the feeling of complete relaxation and comfort…the kind I seek daily, and this morning, through meditation.

 

“Now, think of the person you want in your life to be your next life partner”, she said. “Imagine yourself and this person together at an event, a date, a place. Do you feel that same safety and acceptance you felt when you remembered your friend?” I did! I knew then, that all those years when I’d journal about feeling safe, it wasn’t an anomaly, a wounded woman who had not been safe as a child. It was simply “normal” that a healthy relationship from the moment you meet someone MUST give you the feeling that you are safe, that you are like treasured friends. There are no exceptions. 

 

So, if you are in a treasured relationship, ask yourself if you feel that safety so essential to trust and the ability to truly love. If not, perhaps it’s time to look at that and see if perhaps there’s a way to make the changes necessary to feel safe and accepting of one another again.

 

If you are living solo, and long to find the next love of your life, now you know that this next love will begin with friendship. That you will feel safe from the first coffee date onward. Trust yourself and open your heart. You will know the difference between authentic healthy love simply by asking, “Does this person make me feel safe?” You deserve to feel safe and loved by another. 

 

Are you tired of watching sunsets alone and ready to find an amazing person who makes you feel safe? Don’t be afraid. I am here to join you as your guide on this journey to love.

Contact me and we will set up a complimentary session and get you on your way to love!

Donna Bailey, MS
Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups
Donna’s Big RED Chair
510-817-4242   donna@donnasbigredchair.love

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What DO We Want in Love Now?

 

Recently I met a man online who was new to the scene. Bright, articulate and very clear about what he wasn’t looking for in a woman and his next relationship. Reading it, I thought, “I like how clear he is. He’s honest and confident and really a bright man…an amazing writer and he can spell!” I could almost feel the chemicals being released in my body and it felt wonderful, that sweet sensation letting me know I wasn’t dead yet.

 

At the same moment those hormones were taking off their pajamas, a light came on not only because I couldn’t sleep, but because I was about to sleepwalk right back into a familiar place…a black hole that I’d fallen into many times before. I felt a smile come across my face and like a recovering alcoholic, I knew this time I would take a different street even though there was a lot of comfort in that hole.

 

I’m addicted to the mysterious man who is a bit of an unknown quantity. He’s “almost there” or “exploring” love and relationships, and always, very “conscious”. He says he wants love in his life, he’s happy with his life, likes living alone but wants to find someone special to spend time with and share some things in his life sometimes. You get the picture, but do you get the attraction? It’s a bit like Ernest Hemingway with a dash of Richard Gere. Illusive, handsome, bright, creative, romantic and ever so charming. I’ve had some amazing food with these men. Fine wines, beautiful settings in gorgeous locations, romantic sails and even spent some wonderful holidays right out of a movie set. What more could a woman ask for? 

 

I’ve grown over the years, perhaps, grown up. Still drawn to those men who sort of want a relationship. I now know that although the honeymoon will be amazing, what will follow for me at least,  is the emptiness, confusion, struggle and drama that belongs in that Hemingway novel but not in my precious life. Now, I know to walk around that hole, take another street. That other street is less familiar and requires more from me than blithely following those delicious hormones down the road. Now, I must choose what is right for me and that requires knowing what that truly IS. It means facing my fear that he might not be out there, or at least within 50 miles of me. And the temptation to settle can return again and again when that fear appears.

 

Isn’t being a grown up a wonderful thing? It may be hard work at times, but the rewards are so amazing. When I find the man I truly want and deserve, I’ll happily walk over those spent fireworks that lay on the ground,  holding the hand of someone who wants what I want. The journey begins with knowing what that is.

 

Do you know yourself, who you are NOW, and what you really want in your next amazing relationship? Begin there because when you know who you are and what you want, you can know them when you see them. 

I’m here to hold your hand, keep you motivated and teach you how to trust yourself…and see dating as an adventure!
Let’s meet each other and get you on the road to finding love again. For a complimentary 30-minute session, give me a call at 510-817-4242 or email me at donna@donnasbigredchair.love to set up a time to talk.

 

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, and Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big RED Chair

www.donnasbigredchair.love

Big Red Chair

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