Just Who Are you NOW?

When my babies were young, I was talking with my dearest friend, offering her what I thought was “wisdom” in a struggle she faced. I’m going to blame it on being too young to know better, but I thought unsolicited advice was what friends wanted, and Lord knows I’ve always had plenty of that to offer! Little did I know that advice is often laced with our own poison…judgment. 

 

The wisdom came anyway and before I could dot the “I”, she fired back, “You know, Donna, you have an image of me that you just won’t let go of. You won’t let me change or be different than who you think I am.” Angry, she got up and walked out the door. In my surprise and my guilt and shame for what I’d said, I still GOT IT. And, I never forgot it, though many many times in my life I have regressed and done it again and again.

 

Enjoying a lovely evening out this week with a delightful new friend we talked about  our desire to connect, have community and friends who show up and meet us halfway most of the time. She told me a story about a recent disappointment in a friendship very important in her life. The details aren’t important, but what she said took me back to what had happened over tea with that friend “back in the day”.  She said it so well…“Sometimes people won’t let us change. They only see us the way they always have.” 

 

I owned a tea room once in a little California seaside town. The “ladies who lunch” were often in their late 80’s and 90’s. I often asked them for their secret to life. It was always the same…“Keep moving, don’t sit down in front of a tv, learn something every day, and keep changing and growing.” One woman said, “When you stop growing, you’re dead!”

 

Are you growing and learning? If you’re reading this, you’re not dead yet! And, can you allow that friend of yours to grow and change, provided she or he is still alive? I hope you will open your eyes to how pigeon-holing yourself will limit the joy of change. I hope that you will allow others around you to change, and notice and celebrate it. And, most importantly, that you will listen carefully, aware of that deadly judgment, and ask questions before you write your own script about someone else.

Now, “Sally forth!” and Live, Love and Enjoy those changes! Take a risk today to see yourself as you are NOW!

 

Are you ready to look forward and find someone to love?

You’ve changed since your last relationship and when you learn who you are now, you’ll be able to know who you’d like to share this amazing chapter of your sweet life.

I’m honored to be your guide and when you’re ready, I offer a Complimentary Intake Session. Call me or email me.

510-817-4242  donna@donnasbigredchair.love

 

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big Red Chair

www.donnasbigredchair.love

I Struggled to Find the Words

 

I’ve not met one person for whom this year has not been one of real struggle…myself included. Health issues, housing issues, loss of someone we loved, have made it hard to get up in the morning. Some folks I haven’t met but keep in my heart are those who lost their homes to fires in my home state of California, and many who still lack power and sleep 30 to a home after hurricanes destroyed their homes on the island territories.  So my friends, the only comfort we might find is in knowing we are not alone, that the good was, much like Dorothy’s Kansas…right there alongside the struggles.

 

I haven’t posted lately because I wanted to find words to uplift and inspire you. Then, as always, the words came to lift my heart and give rest to my soul. May they carry you too. Single or married, happily alone or thinking about opening your heart yet again to loving someone, these words of wisdom are a foundation for a new year filled with hope and possibilities.

 

After a while you learn the subtle difference

Between holding a hand

And chaining a soul.

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning

And company doesn’t mean security.

And you begin to learn

That kisses aren’t compromises

And presents aren’t promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes ahead

With the grace of a woman or a man

Not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your loads on today

Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans

And futures have a way of falling down in midflight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if

you ask too much.

So you plant your own garden

And decorate your own soul

Instead of waiting for someone to buy you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure

That you really are strong

And you really do have worth.

And you learn. And you learn.

With every failure you learn.

__Anonymous

Happy New Year to You!

Are you thinking about finding love again but afraid of getting hurt or disappointed? Maybe you aren’t sure there’s anyone out there for you, but you’re tired of watching sunsets alone. I’d be happy to talk with you about how to find that special someone with whom to share this next amazing chapter of your life in the new year ahead.
Give me a call at 510-817-4242 or email me at donna@donnasbigredchair.love
Donna Bailey, MS
Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups
Donna’s Big RED Chair

www.donnasbigredchair.love 

510-817-4242

 

 

The Holidays Bring Us All Home

sad-man-at-christmas

 

 

Yesterday was a great day. I added just the right ornaments and got rid of those “cold” blue lights that were invented by the devil. An unexpected Christmas card arrived from someone who I have missed having in my life.

Unlike much of the country, it was warm enough to take a long walk with only a sweater and off I went, my Fitbit happily collecting my efforts. There was even a Golden Retriever to hug.

 

I got home, ditched my walking shoes, made myself a cup of “nectar of life” also known as tea, and sat down in my Big Red Chair feelin’ the holiday joy. Within a minute, I was sobbing. Where did that come from?  Hardly able to catch my breath, huge tears streaming down my face, I was suddenly 5 years old and I missed my Mama and my Daddy. Her picture hangs over my chair and I looked up as if to say, “Where are you? I need you.”

 

I’m not surprised by this kind of emotion any more. Sometimes when I am in a grocery store and see someone have to put something back on the shelf because they can’t afford it makes me cry. Listening to Christmas music takes me back to places where I first heard it, or into the homes of all those children whose mothers and fathers are somewhere in the Middle East and won’t see the muted joy on the faces of their child on Christmas morning.

 

Holidays are not a straight line, nor is life or love.  They are messy and complex and yet, truly a gift.  This year, I hope you’ll allow yourself to fully experience the holidays. They remind us of our humanity, and won’t always come in Hallmark cards. The packages in which the spirit of the holidays arrive may not be wrapped in shiny paper. You may feel like crying some of the time, guilty that you have abundance in your life when others don’t, sad that you don’t have a special someone with whom to share them and such joy and contentment, love and appreciation that you feel like you might burst at the seams. That’s what they’re really about. Enjoy the gifts this season will bring you!

 

Are you ready to find that special someone to share the holidays throughout the year? 

Give yourself a gift! Call or email me to schedule a Complimentary Strategy Session in the New Year!

510-817-4242  donna@donnasbigredchair.love

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer, Expert

Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”

Donna’s Big Red Chair

www.donnasbigredchair.love 

510-817-4242   donna@donnasbigredchair.love 

 

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