A Crisis of Faith About Love? Go to a Bar!

 

OK, I am the last person to recommend drowning sorrow in alcohol, but on occasion, it’s just fine. And you never know what kind of love you might find there.

I found love in a bar one evening last year. And I left with a new someone that I definitely love.

A woman friend I recently met called to say, drop what you are doing and join me for a hamburger (at the local Trader Vic’s only a boardwalk away). I was just about to put some Trader Joe’s sodium soaked, high carbs on a slab into the oven, put my post-Grammie feet up and accept that this was how I was going to spend my Saturday night when I remembered what a 94 year old woman once told me. I asked her what the secret of living a long life was. She said, “Don’t sit down, keep learning, don’t turn on the TV and say ‘Yes’ to everything you feel like saying ‘No’ to.”

Arriving, I saw my friend sitting with 4 senior women and 1 man, walker parked beside him. He was our “designated driver”! I sat beside Jane, a woman from Latvia who later told me her husband was a jazz artist and revealed more than once how their great sex kept him from behaving like a touring musician. There were stories in that group that nobody would believe, except the young couple who were sitting next to us. He was French, 28 and cute as a button. She was from Michigan and they were there to watch that gorgeous sunset. And the party was about to begin.

By evening’s end, we were joined by a man from Jamaica via the state of Georgia. There was the bi-sexual couple, a May-December romance and one romantic man delivered every woman’s fantasy by declaring his love for his date to the entire restaurant. And all the while, old talked to young about lives lived, Pokemon Go,  about politics and getting out the vote. We clinked glasses “to love!” and knew we were talking about more than romantic love. People of color, seniors, lesbians, and even the waitstaff joined with us to toast the real America. We were united. We knew once again what really loving each other means. We felt the oneness and joy of connection.

I walked home with my new friend and even though I didn’t have a man to kiss goodnight now, I knew a kind of  love equally joyful. It was the perfect antidote to a week of crawling news bits that if we’re not careful will convince us that there is no love. I knew that night what Fake News really was.

 

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”

Donna’s Big Red Chair

510-817-4242   donna@donnasbigredchair.love

www.donnasbigredchair.love

A hopeless romantic? Tired of watching those sunsets alone? Want to share this next amazing chapter of your life with someone wonderful and unsure how to find them? If you’re really ready, I can show you the way.

Call or email me to schedule a Complimentary Session so you can Find Love in 90 Days!

The Ladies on the Beach

 

 

I saw them as I came down the steps from the dunes above. Bent over, digging in the sand, both women focused on something while they dug into slabs of wet sand left by the recent high tide. Still jazzed and surprised at the discovery of thousands of ladybugs paired off and mating on the rocks and all over the beach, I walked with my head down toward the two women. Beach glass of every size and color beneath my feet created a frenzy of pure delight. Now, what is it about those pieces of glass that gives us absolutely no choice but to put them ALL in our pockets? My favorite is that soft, billowy aquamarine that makes me feel like I’m wrapped in a cottony shawl.

 

Of course, my monkey mind never really takes a break, so each time I picked up a piece of glass and lovingly put it in the back pocket of my jeans, I was so conflicted. That glass was there because we aren’t recycling. It must have been so bountiful because the ocean is full of bottles! It’s wrong to feel the joy of aquamarine glass ever again. Crazy with a dash of truth. I kept gathering it until I was way past the two ladies digging their own “treasure”.

 

Time to go work now, I thought. My two-year-old self tried an internal temper tantrum before my Mama self took my hand, turned me around and gently took me toward the stairs. Moving nearer my sad departure, one of the women came walking toward me with a sweet smile saying, “Hey, come here. I want to give you something.” Opening her hands, there were pieces of what looked like artifacts of some kind. Rock-like, patterns that looked Mayan, round things that looked for all the world like beads that had washed up and buried themselves one more time.

 

She gently lifted them one by one and laid them in my open hand. Then, I noticed her nails, black with dirt that had been there long before the beach day. Her teeth looked like those artifacts, broken and stained. Leathery tanned skin that looked Mayan.  Then, up against the dunes I saw the sleeping bags and belongings. She was homeless. That area of the beautiful Monterey coast houses many homeless men and women. And there she was giving me “a gift”.

 

I was moved to tears as I thanked her and looked at each one. Standing there without any expectations of anything from me, I felt the joy she felt. It wasn’t about the stones and glass, but the way our hearts felt when we gave and received. The beach was beautiful that day…ladybugs by the thousands making new babies, ocean waves crashing, fog blowing gently by. But the most beautiful thing of all were those “gifts” from the lady on the beach.

 

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”

Donna’s Big Red Chair

www.donnasbigredchair.love

donna@donnasbigredchair.love   510-817-4242

Offices in Carmel and Emeryville, CA

I also work remotely with clients all over the US via Skype and Face Time

Do You Know How to Make Your Sweetheart Happy When She’s Sad?

 

Hey there, guys. Are you tired of feeling like a failure when your sweetheart is having a bad hair emotional day? Nothing seems to work very well, does it? Well, want to know the secret?

 

woman crying

DO NOTHING! Well, that isn’t totally true, but almost. When a woman is upset about something or has had a bad day at work or with the kids, she has to talk about it. HAS to talk about it until she is done. I know that might seem like an eternity to you because you already have the answer after about 30 seconds, right? WRONG.

 

Women do not want answers believe it or not. I know. I know. Who wouldn’t want the answer when they have a problem? Women. Trust me on this. What do you think will make them happy and truly appreciate you?  Listening. Making eye contact as if they are the only woman in the Universe while you simply listen to them. Nodding your head tells them you understand and even if you feel the boss may have been right, don’t say it. Not the time for truth-telling. Only listening and empathizing for now. Later, she may ask you what you think, would do or might have done in her situation, but that’s for her to ask and not for you to volunteer.

 

It feels like it goes against everything you’ve been taught or experienced in your world. It is the total opposite of everything you are good at and know to do. So, practice and time will prove to you that it is well worth the effort (or lack of doing something effort at least).

 

Finally, when she is over the anger and finally takes a deep breath, take her hand and just hold it. Or, try giving her a big sincere hug. You may feel her melt into your arms and take a deep sigh that says, “Thank you. I needed that.” You will make her very happy.

And ladies…if you’re reading this, remember to tell him “Thank you. I really appreciated your listening.”

 

For more tips on how to make your woman happy, give me a call or email me to schedule a Complimentary Strategy Session that will bring that smile back to her face…and who knows what might happen!

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”

Donna’s Big Red Chair

510-817-4242

donna@donnasbigredchair.love

Offices in Carmel and Emeryville, CA
I also work remotely via Skype or Face Time

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