I Met Him in an Uber

I didn’t think twice that afternoon. Money was no object. By gosh, I deserved it!  I called Uber.  Michael arrived in a gas-guzzling but beautiful Yukon. To my tired body, it  looked like a stretch limo.


He was about my age, African American man with a big smile and a voice so welcoming that I didn’t care how long it took me to get home, he’d get me there…yes’ Ma’am! And the young woman who was sharing the ride… OK, so I did at least use the Uber X to split the cost. “I’m from Patterson”, he told us. Seems he had gotten up very early, driven to two airports and decided since he was in the City, he’d make a little money before heading home where he pays 1500.00 per month to rent a 4-bedroom, 4-bath house.  When the young woman told him that her San Francisco studio apartment in a building built in 1904 cost twice that and he almost ran off the road,  it was clear that he truly hadn’t spent much time in the City.


She got out at her ridiculously costly bedroom, and the two of us headed out toward the Sunset. He’d never seen Golden Gate Park, the Bridge or the Great Highway that runs along the Pacific shoreline. So, while I became a tour guide, he asked me about my day…how sweet was that? I told him my “real job” was a coach and that I helped people find love. “How ’bout couples?”, he asked. Then, he began to tell me about his 30 year marriage and how his wife wanted him to show her affection…not sex…affection. He said, “I’m not good at that. I never saw my Mama and my Daddy show any affection. They didn’t show me any affection or tell me they loved me, so I don’t really know how to do that either.” This sweet big-hearted man was SO lovable, and yet he had no idea how to give his wife what she wanted but he truly wanted to make her happy.


So, we talked and I gave him a Reader’s Digest condensed version of what women want and need, how it feels to be a man and feel you never can get it right, and the yearning both women and men have just to be heard, understood , touched and loved. It was new information for him and he ate it up, hungry to learn how to show his love to her.


The ride was almost over. He had learned why he needed to listen and not fix things. How much she needs to talk and why. How he can take baby steps to just touching her on the shoulder, or giving her a hug without any expectations. He even planned on bringing her flowers. He knew she might be surprised at first or think he’d gone mad. But, this man wanted to change, to learn and grow in ways that would make his wife happy. That after all is all he had ever wanted.


I wish I could have been a mouse in the corner of his living room when that weary man returned to Patterson that night, flowers in hand and maybe put them in a vase for her the next morning. Who knows what happened to him. But, I know what happened to me. I was so happy when I got out of that Yukon. See…I had given to someone something so important to my life. The gift that I have to bring to this world had been used. That’s what makes us all happy. Giving our gifts to someone who is just waiting for us to come into their life, sometimes quite by chance in the most unlikely places and ways. Thank you Uber, for sending Michael  to pick me up in every way!


Do you want to know more about how relationships work? Improve yours, or perhaps find someone with whom to share this next amazing chapter of your life?

Give me a call or email me to set up a Complimentary Session so we can find a way to bring more love into your life!


Donna Bailey, MS

Coaching, Speaking, Writing and Expert”ing” in Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”

Donna’s Big Red Chair

510-817-4242   donna@donnasbigredchair.love



Pillow Talk

Who would ever think a pillow could talk? The only time I remember hearing much from a pillow was when I was a teenager and used them to practice kissing the boy that I fantasized as tall, dark and handsome and whose transport would be, of course, the standard white horse. Neither man nor beast would have one imperfect hair out of place.


Not long ago I went on Amazon to find just the right pillow. It would be small, soft and fit just perfectly in the curve of a man’s arm. His arm would be wrapped around me, holding me close. I’d feel safe and lovely and loved as I fell asleep to the sounds of a fire still burning in the fireplace. It’s never perfect…so, of course there were also sounds of snoring, both man and dog. Ah, but even the snoring was sweet, my head resting comfortably on my soft little pillow.


As life would have it, the pillow arrived a few days too late. His arms were no longer open, but closed across his chest. I was back in my own bed, an hour from the beautiful fireplace and the snoring. My pillow never had a chance. Now it sits on my shelf, holding the promise of love yet to come. The pillow says it promises to take care of this sad old neck of mine while I fall asleep in someone’s arms.  I know he’ll be there, the pillow and the man, when the time is right. I have faith in love and I’m willing to wait, to do the work, to learn and grow from each and every relationship that has ever graced my life. And, I’m ready to forgive the lot, feel love and compassion for myself and everyone I know, even those I don’t know…all of us willing to have our hearts broken while finding just the right arm on which to lay.

Are you tired of sleeping alone and want to share your bed and this chapter of your amazing life with a special someone? Ready to do whatever it takes to find them?

Call me for a Complimentary Session at 510-817-4242. There’s someone to love just around the corner and I can be your GPS to love if you’re really ready to go.

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert, Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”

510-817-4242  donna@donnasbigredchair.love




What the Heck Happened to my Lake??


As many of you know, I am in the middle of a huge change in my life. In April I left my tiny cocoon of a home…my tree house by the Bay, not knowing what was next. Though the brave little warrior me said it was an adventure, the little girl has been fighting the dragons of fear and panic most every day. Hey, I do this kind of thing for work, shepherding people through their lives and all the changes that breathing in this world requires. I knew it would be hard, and yet I couldn’t have imagined the deeper feelings that I have experienced in not having a home. There are days when my “toolbox” of strategies is empty and it’s then I do what I hope you do when faced with big changes in your life. I cry, then I pick up the phone and say, “Help!”. Thank God, those amazing people who’ve loved me in better times, I find, are still right there for me.


Walking is my “go-to” joy in life. I write most of my blogs when I walk, sort my monkey-mind crazies, feel the beauty of the world, and sometimes cry from it’s ugliness. Seems the times are showing us a lot of ugliness.


Yesterday morning I headed out to a lake in San Francisco where  I used to walk every day when I first moved to the City in 2011. The wildlife was amazing then…Red Wing Blackbirds were abundant and almost over the top with song, and I could wade through the reeds and watch the ducks in their sanctuary. I couldn’t wait to get there to those old familiar places and sit and have a cup of tea.


I parked next to a friendly couple, locked my handbag in the trunk, grabbed my tea and my phone (for the camera) and with such anticipation began the walk down the hill to the lake. Where was it? Where was the path through the rushes?  It was now overgrown. I couldn’t even see the lake. The ducks were gone, no sounds of Red Wings. And then it hit me. I hadn’t been to that lake in almost 6 years! The rushes had grown. The paths had disappeared. THINGS HAD CHANGED! What’s with that!????? I wanted it to be just like I left it. I loved it that way. Disappointed and struggling to find any beauty out there at all, I kept walking, but I wasn’t happy. Things weren’t the same any more.


Life is by its very nature in change and flux. If you don’t believe it, look at how old John McCain looks, or John Kerry and how fast it seems to have happened.  When I got back to my car, that same nice couple parked next to me were standing by their car, window smashed…someone had broken into their car. They never expected that, and their life was changed. We can’t escape change even though our sweet little lizard brains want more than anything for things to always stay the same. The lizard will lose every time.


Maybe today both you and I can open up to the adventure idea again. Look forward to what’s around the corner. Be ready for anything, but expect goodness. That’s what I’m hoping for this morning. And by the way, I’ll take any wisdom and encouragement you have to offer!


If you’re tired of watching sunsets alone and want that to change, just call me or email me so we can talk about how you can create a change in the kind of love you can find.

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big Red Chair

510-817-4242   donna@donnasbigredchair.love


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