Pillow Talk

Who would ever think a pillow could talk? The only time I remember hearing much from a pillow was when I was a teenager and used them to practice kissing the boy that I fantasized as tall, dark and handsome and whose transport would be, of course, the standard white horse. Neither man nor beast would have one imperfect hair out of place.

 

Not long ago I went on Amazon to find just the right pillow. It would be small, soft and fit just perfectly in the curve of a man’s arm. His arm would be wrapped around me, holding me close. I’d feel safe and lovely and loved as I fell asleep to the sounds of a fire still burning in the fireplace. It’s never perfect…so, of course there were also sounds of snoring, both man and dog. Ah, but even the snoring was sweet, my head resting comfortably on my soft little pillow.

 

As life would have it, the pillow arrived a few days too late. His arms were no longer open, but closed across his chest. I was back in my own bed, an hour from the beautiful fireplace and the snoring. My pillow never had a chance. Now it sits on my shelf, holding the promise of love yet to come. The pillow says it promises to take care of this sad old neck of mine while I fall asleep in someone’s arms.  I know he’ll be there, the pillow and the man, when the time is right. I have faith in love and I’m willing to wait, to do the work, to learn and grow from each and every relationship that has ever graced my life. And, I’m ready to forgive the lot, feel love and compassion for myself and everyone I know, even those I don’t know…all of us willing to have our hearts broken while finding just the right arm on which to lay.

Are you tired of sleeping alone and want to share your bed and this chapter of your amazing life with a special someone? Ready to do whatever it takes to find them?

Call me for a Complimentary Session at 510-817-4242. There’s someone to love just around the corner and I can be your GPS to love if you’re really ready to go.

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert, Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”

510-817-4242  donna@donnasbigredchair.love

www.donnasbigredchair.love

 

 

What the Heck Happened to my Lake??

 

As many of you know, I am in the middle of a huge change in my life. In April I left my tiny cocoon of a home…my tree house by the Bay, not knowing what was next. Though the brave little warrior me said it was an adventure, the little girl has been fighting the dragons of fear and panic most every day. Hey, I do this kind of thing for work, shepherding people through their lives and all the changes that breathing in this world requires. I knew it would be hard, and yet I couldn’t have imagined the deeper feelings that I have experienced in not having a home. There are days when my “toolbox” of strategies is empty and it’s then I do what I hope you do when faced with big changes in your life. I cry, then I pick up the phone and say, “Help!”. Thank God, those amazing people who’ve loved me in better times, I find, are still right there for me.

 

Walking is my “go-to” joy in life. I write most of my blogs when I walk, sort my monkey-mind crazies, feel the beauty of the world, and sometimes cry from it’s ugliness. Seems the times are showing us a lot of ugliness.

 

Yesterday morning I headed out to a lake in San Francisco where  I used to walk every day when I first moved to the City in 2011. The wildlife was amazing then…Red Wing Blackbirds were abundant and almost over the top with song, and I could wade through the reeds and watch the ducks in their sanctuary. I couldn’t wait to get there to those old familiar places and sit and have a cup of tea.

 

I parked next to a friendly couple, locked my handbag in the trunk, grabbed my tea and my phone (for the camera) and with such anticipation began the walk down the hill to the lake. Where was it? Where was the path through the rushes?  It was now overgrown. I couldn’t even see the lake. The ducks were gone, no sounds of Red Wings. And then it hit me. I hadn’t been to that lake in almost 6 years! The rushes had grown. The paths had disappeared. THINGS HAD CHANGED! What’s with that!????? I wanted it to be just like I left it. I loved it that way. Disappointed and struggling to find any beauty out there at all, I kept walking, but I wasn’t happy. Things weren’t the same any more.

 

Life is by its very nature in change and flux. If you don’t believe it, look at how old John McCain looks, or John Kerry and how fast it seems to have happened.  When I got back to my car, that same nice couple parked next to me were standing by their car, window smashed…someone had broken into their car. They never expected that, and their life was changed. We can’t escape change even though our sweet little lizard brains want more than anything for things to always stay the same. The lizard will lose every time.

 

Maybe today both you and I can open up to the adventure idea again. Look forward to what’s around the corner. Be ready for anything, but expect goodness. That’s what I’m hoping for this morning. And by the way, I’ll take any wisdom and encouragement you have to offer!

 

If you’re tired of watching sunsets alone and want that to change, just call me or email me so we can talk about how you can create a change in the kind of love you can find.

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big Red Chair

510-817-4242   donna@donnasbigredchair.love

www.donnasbigredchair.love

Why Can’t We Just DO IT?

 

All of us have dreams…things we want to do before we pass on. For some it’s traveling in an RV across country and some of want to live “Under the Tuscan Sun”. Getting a hole-in-one,  learning to tango, writing a book, picking up a violin again. Dreams are the things that touch our souls and create a longing that never goes away. Like a petulant child tapping on our shoulder they are relentless,  asking “When? When? When?”

 

I was talking with a friend today who is longing to leave a job he’s been doing for 30 years. He is weary of it.  You see he wants to put the time and energy, and a little piece of his heart into a new endeavor that will help people better understand and prepare for life after 55, what caring for aging parents really means. He wanted to know how to find time for his lifelong dream when there are “better things to do”(things you HAVE to do).

 

He asked me what gets in the way?… what lies between the longing and the doing? I didn’t have to think about it long because I know what is getting in my way. Fear and those obnoxious but very convincing monkeys that must have by now grayed and aged just like me. The fear seems obvious…

“What if it doesn’t work?” “What if nobody reads it?” “What if I make a fool of myself?” It’s the monkeys on my back however that have been with me for so long that they’ve become my best friends. Their messages are more insidious…

“You aren’t really a writer. Just look at Anne Lamont. Now SHE’s a writer.”  “You need to be thinking about more important things.” “Who do you think YOU are?” Ahhhhh, yes indeed. Hard as hell to shake those. 

 

How do we finally get to the place where we say “to hell with it” and get beyond just thinking about it, making a plan, reading more books about someone else who’s lived our dream and done it well? I told my friend the monkeys were never leaving. That we had to get angry enough, tired enough of pushing the dreams away, and see the truth…We’ve no time left to waste. Who wants to be on a deathbed asking “Why didn’t I do it?” When we finally realize the truth, we’ll find the courage that was always there and we’ll  grab a new vine, letting go of the one we’ve stubbornly held on to out of fear.  Whooping it up, we’ll swing out over that scary ravine toward what matters most in our sweet short life…our dreams. 

 

So today, I urge you to stop thinking about your dreams. Instead, take hold of that vine and swing out!!! One day when you are old and perhaps at the end of this life, you’ll have a peaceful smile on your face and no regrets.What a way to go!!

 

If you dream of finding love again, and are ready to ditch your monkeys and step toward that vine that will lead you to finding love, I am there to hold your hand.
Give me a call today or email me for a Complimentary Session to Finding Love in 90 Days
510-817-4242    donna@donnasbigredchair.love

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big Red Chair

www.donnasbigredchair.love

 

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