Texting, Emailing and God-Forbid, Phone Calls…When, Where and Why???

communication devices

 

 

I am a communication junkie. OK, I admit it. I love connecting and when I connect, it makes my day and my life richer. It’s a smorgasbord of choice! I can email, text, add those little emojis, develop my own avatar, FaceTime, Skype, and oh yeah…phone someone. I think my readers are all old enough to remember phones, right?

 

So, what form of communication do you love most? And, when you’re in the sticky world of finding love and dating, how is that workin’ for you? We are all on a great big learning curve the size of St. Louis’ arch so, here are a few things I have learned about ways that foster respect and keep the lines open…

 

  1. Communication is a way we connect with another human being. We all need to feel our time is valued and thus, we are valued. Make time available for that in your life. Respect it and the person with whom you are communicating. Don’t multi task while you are talking, call right before you hit a dead zone (my ex-husband used to do that…hmmm, did you notice the “EX”?), and ask the person you are calling if it is a good time for them so that they can do the same.
  2. Find out the other person’s preferred means of communicating and tell them yours. Find a way to use both means to connect with each other so that both feel heard and happy.
  3. Do not communicate emotional issues via text or email, especially in a new relationship. No social cues, facial expressions or voice changes make it impossible to “read” the other person. And one small word interpreted by your reader can make or break what might have been a great relationship.
  4. Do not break up with someone via text or email, no matter how many “good reasons” you come up with. It’s a cop out.
  5. Learn about the gender differences and the need for communication and connection. They are vital in a good relationship. Women need connection…hear that, guys…it is a chemical, hormonal, primitive need that you must learn to honor if you want your sweetie to be happy. Men need less communication, not more, especially when the subject is emotionally charged. Read up on this one ladies if you ever hope to keep a good thing.

From the day you meet someone you think you might like to date again right on through a 50 year marriage, communication is the number one issue to learn and to honor. It is not for the faint of heart. We are not taught about it, so self-educate!

 

If you are tired of watching sunsets alone, and ready to find a perfectly imperfect person with whom you can share the next amazing chapter of your life, love is out there.

Want me to show you how to Find Love in 90 Days?

Give me a call or email me to set up a Complimentary Intake Session

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big Red Chair

510-817-4242   donna@donnasbigredchair.love

www.donnasbigredchair.love

What a Clay Pot Can Teach Us

 

This morning, I sat with amazing people, part of my writing group for the summer. We wrote from a prompt from a beautiful poem by poet, Byrd Baylor called “When Clay Sings”…I wanted to share my write with you.

 

 

I remember the first time I held the clay. Wobbling on the wheel, it was as if I had God between the palms of my hands. And such power, I felt almost ashamed. Wet sand, tenacious, determined to stay strong, it allowed me the privilege of pulling it up to a place of my own happiness.

 

This morning I remember the over-used analogy that clay vessels are only useful because of the empty space. But from the day I first sat in my college art room filled with spinning wheels and the heat from kilns, I also knew clay vessels are not only about holding “things”. They’re alive and allowing, happy to be shaped in ways that are useful to the maker.

 

I’ve dreams and desires these days to be like wet clay…willing to take the shape most useful to its maker. To be pulled up, pushed down with gentle, strong joy. Not to be afraid when it loses its center, wobbling and threatening to come unglued from its foundation.

 

To love someone and allow myself to be shaped by their hands. To love the contentment of passivity, patience and waiting to know. Longing to let go even if it means slumping into an unrecognizable mess.  Having faith and trusting that nothingness is a good place to rest. Smiling because I know my own song that knows new hands will lift the mass and the mess of me, handle me lovingly and pull me up again into a new and beautiful shape.

Are you tired of watching sunsets alone and ready to do whatever it takes to find a special someone with whom to share this next amazing chapter of your vibrant life? I can show you the way.

Give me a call or email me to schedule a Complimentary Session to learn more about Finding Love in 90 Days!

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”

Donna’s Big Red Chair

510-817-4242    donna@donnasbigredchair.love

www.donnasbigredchair

What’s Wrong With The “Irish Goodbye”?

 

Lately, I’ve been swimming in the pool of online dating. It’s there that we can save ourselves a lot of money on therapy and where after a month or two, might feel like we need therapy five days a week.

 

We can think we’ve pretty much got it all together in our lives, and perhaps in most areas, we’re doing pretty dang well. And then, the gut starts to churn, we find ourselves ruminating…usually about times when he said/she said or did_________. It’s then we know we’re not so sparkly clean and free from the debris loving always leaves behind.

 

I’m old school I guess, and perhaps my expectations of myself and other human beings are too high, but I am a believer in courtesy, kindness, respect and following the Golden Rule that seems to have merit enough to show up in every religion and spiritual practice including California’s favorite…agnosticism. Even nature asks that when we hike or camp that we leave the forest as we found it, or on a good day, better than we found it.

 

They call it “ghosting” now though some of us know it as the “Irish goodbye”, and when it happens to us, we only feel it as ” being abandoned”. Not one of us gets out of this life without having been left by someone and it always leaves a scar because we’re human. This is why we should really think before we leave without saying goodbye.

 

When a friend hurts us, disappoints or makes us angry, who doesn’t want to walk away and never come back? It’s the easy way and they deserve it, right? When you have a lovely conversation with a new person you’ve met at a party, or online and it ends with, “Let’s have lunch and talk some more about this!”. When someone in that pool of humans seeking love sends you an email, and you’re not interested, what should you do?

 

It takes courage to tell your friend they hurt you or made you angry. It takes nothing to walk away. It takes a few precious minutes of your time to say “Thank you for contacting me…” when he/she sends you that email that it took courage for them to even risk writing. And, for God’s sake, if you don’t want to have lunch with them, don’t say you do!

 

Life is hard for all of us in many ways. Our souls are tender. We need more and more to be treated well by one another so that some days it fuels us to take one more step. Let’s remember those bruises in ourselves, know that we all have them, and finish what we started with courage. It’s OK to say you don’t want to be friends any more. That you aren’t interested in him/her. But, have the courage and caring to finish what you started. You’ll feel better and I can promise you, that other person will too.

 

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big Red Chair

donna@donnasbigredchair.love

510-817-4242    www.donnasbigredchair.love

Are you a hopeless romantic and tired of watching sunsets alone? Ready to share this next amazing chapter of your life with someone special? I can show you the way.

Call me at 510-817-4242 and let’s see if we’re a match to help you find

Love in 90 Days!

 

 

 

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