Are You Suffering “Match” Fatigue?

 

splayed chicken

 

You don’t have to actually be on Match.com to suffer from this predictable malady in the land of the singles looking for love world. Maybe you are one of those people who is taking the “natural” route, where you hope the serendipity of life or a cute new guy or woman joins your book club or climbs on the workout machine next to you. Whatever path you have chosen, one day or one middle of the night you wake up feeling like you just can’t do it another day.

 

It’s impossible to avoid feelings of disappointment, anger, frustration and sadness when you courageously decide to be open to love. Open means vulnerable and at times feeling like a fryer splayed open on a butcher block. That’s what being vulnerable means…we are open to our feelings and bummer that it is, we can’t be the chooser of just the ones that feel good.

 

You may not be getting a response to your profile or worse, you may be getting emails from people with hunting rifles in their hands or who live 5000 miles away. If you are fortunate, you may have had a few coffee dates, a nice day at the coast or perhaps even a great romp in the hay. But if it didn’t work out for whatever reason, disappointment’s inevitable.

 

We are all looking for someone who makes us feel alive and lights our fire. Feeling that is what makes us human. That’s why we put ourselves out there over and over again. We want to feel the burn (and Bernie isn’t what I mean here). We deserve a medal for our willingness to feel disappointed and get up, brush ourselves off, and try yet again.

 

When you are feeling dating fatigue, there is only one right thing to do. Stop it! Not forever, but until you feel less like a clump of clay being thrown helplessly around on a potter’s wheel. You know the signs…you go online and you have thoughts like, “Yeah, I bet she is.” or “Not another guy who says he wants a strong woman who speaks her mind. I don’t buy it.”  We all have those kind of thoughts during times of dating fatigue. It’s time to give yourself some time off. Treat yourself the way you want that special person to treat you. Order dinner in, get a massage, buy yourself something new and remember, this too shall pass. I promise.

Make More Mistakes This Year

 

 

mistake quote

 

Here are the beautiful words of Neil Gaiman to help you make sense of the beauty of  your mistakes…

 

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re Doing Something.

So, that’s my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before. Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect enough, whatever it is:art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever.”

 

Now relax and celebrate being alive, imperfect and go ahead and give it a try…whatever It is for you.

Every Turn in the Road Was Necessary

 

proposal on the beach

 

 

I am down at Miramar Beach, one of the most dramatic places you can be to be to experience the drama of the Pacific Ocean. It’s work that brought me here, but I have history that came roaring in like the Pacific tonight.

Not that many years ago, I sat in that same restaurant with a man I had known, or thought I knew. We had gone from being Rotarians to “an item”. Here we were, crashing surf within a few yards of this restaurant. We had known each other for several years, but had only moved from “Service Above Self” about six months prior.

The wine list was magnificent and we helped ourselves to several glasses of award winning Cabernet. The moon was full that night and perhaps he knew that. Me…I was focused on the moment and he was all about tying things down. In the middle of a delicious bread pudding, he pulled out a little box and as he opened it to reveal a vintage diamond ring, it was as if I was suddenly swimming in wine, with a dash of Disney. I saw him open the box, but it seemed surreal, not just because of the wine, but the fact that we had only been dating about 6 months. It felt like slow motion watching him pull that ring from the box and as he placed it on my finger, asking me to marry him.

Right there at that moment I knew the right answer, and yet, I felt compelled to say “Yes”. And the rest is history, with a lot of sharp turns and an inevitable divorce.

So, here I was tonight. Back in that same restaurant, and the same table! I was taken by surprise when instead of memories of OMG, Why in God’s Name Did I Say Yes?, it suddenly dawned on me. What would have happened if I had said “No”? So many things would have been different and I wouldn’t be where I am today. Every single decision we make takes us to this moment.

I wouldn’t trade any of my decisions along life’s path. I love where I am at this moment and every single person and yes and no I experienced brought me right to this very moment. Every turn in the road, every “mistake”…thank God for those.

So, today instead of beating up on yourself for those “mistakes”, stop and reflect on how many things you have in your life for which you are amazingly and eternally grateful. One single moment would have changed that. Celebrate life and all its twists and turns and thank everyone who was on your wonderful journey.

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