Being Alone

I Might Get Hurt

If you have been breathing,  you have been hurt by someone or something in this life.

One of the major reasons we avoid opening our minds, much less our hearts to dead tulipslook for love now is that it still hurts.

You’ve heard the sound of hurt before…

  • “I am perfectly happy being alone. I don’t need anyone.”
  • “It would be nice to have someone to grow old with, but it is just too much trouble.”
  • “Why open myself up to being hurt again?”
  • “I really do want to find someone, but I just don’t have time!”
  • “I went online once and nobody responded to my emails, so that didn’t work.”

Some of that may feel true and fear is normal for all of us who want to love again…and yet…

Everyone wants and NEEDS to be loved and to love and, I mean beyond our dogs and cats, grandchildren and godchildren, and even our best friends. I am talking cuddling, holding, kissing, lying in bed listening to the other snoring, touching and being touched, and for many having mad fabulous sex! And when we have been in an emotional and relational desert for a long time, it is SO painful that we often develop ways of protecting ourselves from the possibility that we might be hurt again.  Denial becomes our way of coping, and over time we convince ourselves that we don’t need love anyway. So,WE BUY ANOTHER DOG!

Step One to finding a special someone is taking that sadness and longing out of mothballs and looking at the cost of living without love. Doctors will tell you that people who are in relationships live longer and have fewer physical and emotional problems. I am here to tell you that the risk of looking for love will always be worth it. And, you’ll have to get off your sofa and begin.

Will it hurt? It most definitely will at times. But will the rewards of opening your heart wide be far greater than any hurt you may experience?…I can guarantee it, or your money back!

 

Do you ever feel like your life is “really OK”, but when the sun sets or you open that bottle of red that is your favorite, you really wish you had someone with whom to share those moments? You’d love to go back to Italy, but don’t want to do it alone? Maybe it’s time to start the journey to finding someone special with whom to share this next amazing chapter of your life. Afraid and don’t know where to begin? I’m there to show you the way…

Get out of your chair, and give me a call, or email me to see how your can find someone to love…again

The 30-minute call is complimentary!

 

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big RED Chair

510-817-4242   donna@donnasbigredchair.love

www.donnasbigredchair.love

 

What’s It REALLY About…Loving After 60?

 

 

Those of us who are thrown/cast/sentenced to being back out in the land of dating and mating after 60 often want many of the same things. Who doesn’t want someone that looks younger than their age, sexy and passionate, adventurous, kind, romantic and of course “has no baggage”? Just like when we were teenagers, truth be known, we want pretty much the same qualities PLUS the wisdom and experience 60 plus years brings. I don’t know about you, but I’ll take the movie version of romance right to the last day of my sweet life. But, here’s something none of us wants…

 

We phrase it differently because to even think it makes us feel like a heel. Some say, “I don’t want someone I have to push in a wheelchair.” We think someone younger, even by 3-4 years, will mean we can travel together, build that vacation home that is still on our bucket list or just give us more time than someone our own age, or a year older. We bargain with time and in the process, deny what none of us wants to face as older adults who so want to love again.

 

Denial can be a wonderful thing. All of us use it in our lives in one way or another. That first look in the mirror in the morning says, “OMG! Who the hell is that?” The minute we look away, our heart and soul resets itself to age 35. Off we go into the day, the same person we once were. Everybody else looks “their” age. We notice someone on the bus with a walker and think, “Poor thing!” but every cell in us is 35 and will be that way forever. Thank Mother Nature for that denial. It does keep us living our lives, staying curious and on the dance floor for salsa lessons.

 

There is, however a downside. The illusion that perfect or almost perfect health will always be there for us. Illness may happen to others, but not to us. We think age is always the determining factor in when our health issues might occur or grow larger and more serious. And the big onethat our hearts won’t shatter when we lose someone we love. You see, all that bargaining we do is really our fear of losing the love and the lover we so desperately seek.

 

Nothing guarantees us one more moment of life or great health. Authors who write the books about running, eating the world’s healthiest diet, meditating your way to long life died well before 75, and still we think we will live forever.

 

So, how do we open our hearts to love as we age? Do we want it badly enough to push past the denial, open our hearts to each other knowing that life is a precious second at the time no matter what age we are? Do we go on our journey willing to do whatever it takes to find love knowing that also means “for better or worse”? Most importantly, is love worth the certainty that we will eventually feel the pain of loss?

 

 Love is our choice now. We no longer have to find a partner to have a family or work so hard to send our kids to college  Now it’s about us and living life our way. Today it’about tenderness, sweetness, willingness to be there to make life better than it might be alone. There’s such freedom now to truly choose love. Yes, it has a cost… and it’s a precious opportunity for happiness.  How will you choose to see it? Why not go forward, eyes wide open, take the plunge and enjoy every sweet second of it? 

Are you ready to find the next love of your life? Unsure where to begin or not having much luck in your search? 

I’d love to be your guide.

Give me a call at 510-817-4242 to schedule a Complimentary Strategy Session

Maybe you’ll be sharing the holidays with someone special by starting your journey to love today!

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big RED Chair

donna@donnasbigredchair.love

www.donnasbigredchair.love

 

 

 

Pillow Talk

Who would ever think a pillow could talk? The only time I remember hearing much from a pillow was when I was a teenager and used them to practice kissing the boy that I fantasized as tall, dark and handsome and whose transport would be, of course, the standard white horse. Neither man nor beast would have one imperfect hair out of place.

 

Not long ago I went on Amazon to find just the right pillow. It would be small, soft and fit just perfectly in the curve of a man’s arm. His arm would be wrapped around me, holding me close. I’d feel safe and lovely and loved as I fell asleep to the sounds of a fire still burning in the fireplace. It’s never perfect…so, of course there were also sounds of snoring, both man and dog. Ah, but even the snoring was sweet, my head resting comfortably on my soft little pillow.

 

As life would have it, the pillow arrived a few days too late. His arms were no longer open, but closed across his chest. I was back in my own bed, an hour from the beautiful fireplace and the snoring. My pillow never had a chance. Now it sits on my shelf, holding the promise of love yet to come. The pillow says it promises to take care of this sad old neck of mine while I fall asleep in someone’s arms.  I know he’ll be there, the pillow and the man, when the time is right. I have faith in love and I’m willing to wait, to do the work, to learn and grow from each and every relationship that has ever graced my life. And, I’m ready to forgive the lot, feel love and compassion for myself and everyone I know, even those I don’t know…all of us willing to have our hearts broken while finding just the right arm on which to lay.

Are you tired of sleeping alone and want to share your bed and this chapter of your amazing life with a special someone? Ready to do whatever it takes to find them?

Call me for a Complimentary Session at 510-817-4242. There’s someone to love just around the corner and I can be your GPS to love if you’re really ready to go.

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert, Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”

510-817-4242  donna@donnasbigredchair.love

www.donnasbigredchair.love

 

 

Page 1 of 212