I looked at the full moon last night, realizing how incredibly beautiful she is and wondering why I had missed so many of her wonderful displays over the past year.
I turned off my living room lights, standing by the window looking at every detail of her face, remembering how over the years she’d been my solace during times just like these…periods of painful and exciting transition. And I felt the tears sting as they rolled across my cheeks. How could I have not noticed her these past months? I apologized to her for my forgetting and my heart opened, quite suddenly feeling such deep compassion for myself. It was a hard year.
Those of you who know me personally probably know how much I believe in the power of love. Not only romantic love, but most importantly, self-love. And for most mortals, it’s a lifelong journey, probably the most urgent one we have while on this earth. It’s never delivered in a pretty package. Our bodies challenge us, we lose faith, the “unexpected” happens and for some mysterious reason we’re always surprised because somebody told us life was easier than it truly is. Life is a slog uphill much of the time. How do we get to the place in our lives where we find a place of peace and love so that each day, no matter what happens is one for which we are truly grateful?
I’d like to give you the simple answer if there were one. I don’t believe all the books, podcasts or even sermons get us to peace of mind, but I do truly believe that each thing we do, person we meet, challenge we take on despite our fears and less than perfect bodies gets us there. The hero’s journey, as Joseph Campbell called it will mean we must be awake and desperately want joy so much that we’re willing to do the work required, knowing that the road will bumpy and winding.
If you have been breathing, you have been hurt by someone or something in this life.
One of the major reasons we avoid opening our minds, much less our hearts to look for love now is that it still hurts.
You’ve heard the sound of hurt before…
“I am perfectly happy being alone. I don’t need anyone.”
“It would be nice to have someone to grow old with, but it is just too much trouble.”
“Why open myself up to being hurt again?”
“I really do want to find someone, but I just don’t have time!”
“I went online once and nobody responded to my emails, so that didn’t work.”
Some of that may feel true and fear is normal for all of us who want to love again…and yet…
Everyone wants and NEEDS to be loved and to love and, I mean beyond our dogs and cats, grandchildren and godchildren, and even our best friends. I am talking cuddling, holding, kissing, lying in bed listening to the other snoring, touching and being touched, and for many having mad fabulous sex! And when we have been in an emotional and relational desert for a long time, it is SO painful that we often develop ways of protecting ourselves from the possibility that we might be hurt again. Denial becomes our way of coping, and over time we convince ourselves that we don’t need love anyway. So,WE BUY ANOTHER DOG!
Step One to finding a special someone is taking that sadness and longing out of mothballs and looking at the cost of living without love. Doctors will tell you that people who are in relationships live longer and have fewer physical and emotional problems. I am here to tell you that the risk of looking for love will always be worth it. And, you’ll have to get off your sofa and begin.
Will it hurt? It most definitely will at times. But will the rewards of opening your heart wide be far greater than any hurt you may experience?…I can guarantee it, or your money back!
Do you ever feel like your life is “really OK”, but when the sun sets or you open that bottle of red that is your favorite, you really wish you had someone with whom to share those moments? You’d love to go back to Italy, but don’t want to do it alone? Maybe it’s time to start the journey to finding someone special with whom to share this next amazing chapter of your life. Afraid and don’t know where to begin? I’m there to show you the way…
Get out of your chair, and give me a call, or email me to see how your can find someone to love…again
The 30-minute call is complimentary!
Donna Bailey, MS
Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups