Daily Inspirations

I Struggled to Find the Words


I’ve not met one person for whom this year has not been one of real struggle…myself included. Health issues, housing issues, loss of someone we loved, have made it hard to get up in the morning. Some folks I haven’t met but keep in my heart are those who lost their homes to fires in my home state of California, and many who still lack power and sleep 30 to a home after hurricanes destroyed their homes on the island territories.  So my friends, the only comfort we might find is in knowing we are not alone, that the good was, much like Dorothy’s Kansas…right there alongside the struggles.


I haven’t posted lately because I wanted to find words to uplift and inspire you. Then, as always, the words came to lift my heart and give rest to my soul. May they carry you too. Single or married, happily alone or thinking about opening your heart yet again to loving someone, these words of wisdom are a foundation for a new year filled with hope and possibilities.


After a while you learn the subtle difference

Between holding a hand

And chaining a soul.

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning

And company doesn’t mean security.

And you begin to learn

That kisses aren’t compromises

And presents aren’t promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes ahead

With the grace of a woman or a man

Not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your loads on today

Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans

And futures have a way of falling down in midflight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if

you ask too much.

So you plant your own garden

And decorate your own soul

Instead of waiting for someone to buy you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure

That you really are strong

And you really do have worth.

And you learn. And you learn.

With every failure you learn.


Happy New Year to You!

Are you thinking about finding love again but afraid of getting hurt or disappointed? Maybe you aren’t sure there’s anyone out there for you, but you’re tired of watching sunsets alone. I’d be happy to talk with you about how to find that special someone with whom to share this next amazing chapter of your life in the new year ahead.
Give me a call at 510-817-4242 or email me at donna@donnasbigredchair.love
Donna Bailey, MS
Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups
Donna’s Big RED Chair





The Holidays Bring Us All Home




Yesterday was a great day. I added just the right ornaments and got rid of those “cold” blue lights that were invented by the devil. An unexpected Christmas card arrived from someone who I have missed having in my life.

Unlike much of the country, it was warm enough to take a long walk with only a sweater and off I went, my Fitbit happily collecting my efforts. There was even a Golden Retriever to hug.


I got home, ditched my walking shoes, made myself a cup of “nectar of life” also known as tea, and sat down in my Big Red Chair feelin’ the holiday joy. Within a minute, I was sobbing. Where did that come from?  Hardly able to catch my breath, huge tears streaming down my face, I was suddenly 5 years old and I missed my Mama and my Daddy. Her picture hangs over my chair and I looked up as if to say, “Where are you? I need you.”


I’m not surprised by this kind of emotion any more. Sometimes when I am in a grocery store and see someone have to put something back on the shelf because they can’t afford it makes me cry. Listening to Christmas music takes me back to places where I first heard it, or into the homes of all those children whose mothers and fathers are somewhere in the Middle East and won’t see the muted joy on the faces of their child on Christmas morning.


Holidays are not a straight line, nor is life or love.  They are messy and complex and yet, truly a gift.  This year, I hope you’ll allow yourself to fully experience the holidays. They remind us of our humanity, and won’t always come in Hallmark cards. The packages in which the spirit of the holidays arrive may not be wrapped in shiny paper. You may feel like crying some of the time, guilty that you have abundance in your life when others don’t, sad that you don’t have a special someone with whom to share them and such joy and contentment, love and appreciation that you feel like you might burst at the seams. That’s what they’re really about. Enjoy the gifts this season will bring you!


Are you ready to find that special someone to share the holidays throughout the year? 

Give yourself a gift! Call or email me to schedule a Complimentary Strategy Session in the New Year!

510-817-4242  donna@donnasbigredchair.love

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer, Expert

Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”

Donna’s Big Red Chair


510-817-4242   donna@donnasbigredchair.love 


When is theTime to Get Back on the Horse?





How long should we wait after we lose someone we loved?


This is a tricky one and the extremes are tempting. If we just lost the love of our life, it leaves a big old hole in us the size of a giant Sequoia when, after a century, it falls. It can feel like a tooth is missing and our tongue keeps going to where it used to be, searching for that familiar feeling. All we seem to be able to do is go over and over the “why?”of it. Will this ever stop?


The temptation to find someone, anyone to help us stop the pain always looms. We used to call it being “on the rebound”, but whatever it is, filling a hole is not a great way to begin a loving relationship.


Do I wait until I am “healed”, until I don’t feel sad any more, until I “get over him/her”?  Well, if you are 25, that might work. Over 55, you could be dead!


Here is how I look at it…when you feel open to love again, it is time to begin. That might mean wading in. Flirt with someone at a coffee shop, buy a new dress or a soft, stylish shirt that makes you feel sexy, join the gym to lose a few pounds, firm up the abs and begin to get ready for love. Check out a free online dating website...just look, nobody will know.


When you meet someone and decide to go out on a date…ooops!…we call it a “coffee” so it doesn’t feel too serious, treat it like a job interview. If necessary, take a Xanax. Do whatever it takes to care for yourself, realizing that you are one brave creature. You are willing to take the plunge, to feel once again the joy of having someone across the table in the cafe who is a graduate of the School of Heart Hard Knocks.




Thinking you are ready to find someone to share those sunsets and nights by the fire? I’d love to be your guide to loving again.
Call me or email me for a Complimentary Session to learn more about how my plan, Love in 90 Days can get you there with clarity and confidence. 
Donna Bailey, MS
510-817-4242   donna@donnasbigredchair.love
I’m a Coach specializing in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups
Donna’s Big Red Chair 






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