Daily Inspirations

I Might Get Hurt

If you have been breathing,  you have been hurt by someone or something in this life.

One of the major reasons we avoid opening our minds, much less our hearts to dead tulipslook for love now is that it still hurts.

You’ve heard the sound of hurt before…

  • “I am perfectly happy being alone. I don’t need anyone.”
  • “It would be nice to have someone to grow old with, but it is just too much trouble.”
  • “Why open myself up to being hurt again?”
  • “I really do want to find someone, but I just don’t have time!”
  • “I went online once and nobody responded to my emails, so that didn’t work.”

Some of that may feel true and fear is normal for all of us who want to love again…and yet…

Everyone wants and NEEDS to be loved and to love and, I mean beyond our dogs and cats, grandchildren and godchildren, and even our best friends. I am talking cuddling, holding, kissing, lying in bed listening to the other snoring, touching and being touched, and for many having mad fabulous sex! And when we have been in an emotional and relational desert for a long time, it is SO painful that we often develop ways of protecting ourselves from the possibility that we might be hurt again.  Denial becomes our way of coping, and over time we convince ourselves that we don’t need love anyway. So,WE BUY ANOTHER DOG!

Step One to finding a special someone is taking that sadness and longing out of mothballs and looking at the cost of living without love. Doctors will tell you that people who are in relationships live longer and have fewer physical and emotional problems. I am here to tell you that the risk of looking for love will always be worth it. And, you’ll have to get off your sofa and begin.

Will it hurt? It most definitely will at times. But will the rewards of opening your heart wide be far greater than any hurt you may experience?…I can guarantee it, or your money back!


Do you ever feel like your life is “really OK”, but when the sun sets or you open that bottle of red that is your favorite, you really wish you had someone with whom to share those moments? You’d love to go back to Italy, but don’t want to do it alone? Maybe it’s time to start the journey to finding someone special with whom to share this next amazing chapter of your life. Afraid and don’t know where to begin? I’m there to show you the way…

Get out of your chair, and give me a call, or email me to see how your can find someone to love…again

The 30-minute call is complimentary!


Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big RED Chair

510-817-4242   donna@donnasbigredchair.love



Just Who Are you NOW?

When my babies were young, I was talking with my dearest friend, offering her what I thought was “wisdom” in a struggle she faced. I’m going to blame it on being too young to know better, but I thought unsolicited advice was what friends wanted, and Lord knows I’ve always had plenty of that to offer! Little did I know that advice is often laced with our own poison…judgment. 


The wisdom came anyway and before I could dot the “I”, she fired back, “You know, Donna, you have an image of me that you just won’t let go of. You won’t let me change or be different than who you think I am.” Angry, she got up and walked out the door. In my surprise and my guilt and shame for what I’d said, I still GOT IT. And, I never forgot it, though many many times in my life I have regressed and done it again and again.


Enjoying a lovely evening out this week with a delightful new friend we talked about  our desire to connect, have community and friends who show up and meet us halfway most of the time. She told me a story about a recent disappointment in a friendship very important in her life. The details aren’t important, but what she said took me back to what had happened over tea with that friend “back in the day”.  She said it so well…“Sometimes people won’t let us change. They only see us the way they always have.” 


I owned a tea room once in a little California seaside town. The “ladies who lunch” were often in their late 80’s and 90’s. I often asked them for their secret to life. It was always the same…“Keep moving, don’t sit down in front of a tv, learn something every day, and keep changing and growing.” One woman said, “When you stop growing, you’re dead!”


Are you growing and learning? If you’re reading this, you’re not dead yet! And, can you allow that friend of yours to grow and change, provided she or he is still alive? I hope you will open your eyes to how pigeon-holing yourself will limit the joy of change. I hope that you will allow others around you to change, and notice and celebrate it. And, most importantly, that you will listen carefully, aware of that deadly judgment, and ask questions before you write your own script about someone else.

Now, “Sally forth!” and Live, Love and Enjoy those changes! Take a risk today to see yourself as you are NOW!


Are you ready to look forward and find someone to love?

You’ve changed since your last relationship and when you learn who you are now, you’ll be able to know who you’d like to share this amazing chapter of your sweet life.

I’m honored to be your guide and when you’re ready, I offer a Complimentary Intake Session. Call me or email me.

510-817-4242  donna@donnasbigredchair.love


Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big Red Chair


I Struggled to Find the Words


I’ve not met one person for whom this year has not been one of real struggle…myself included. Health issues, housing issues, loss of someone we loved, have made it hard to get up in the morning. Some folks I haven’t met but keep in my heart are those who lost their homes to fires in my home state of California, and many who still lack power and sleep 30 to a home after hurricanes destroyed their homes on the island territories.  So my friends, the only comfort we might find is in knowing we are not alone, that the good was, much like Dorothy’s Kansas…right there alongside the struggles.


I haven’t posted lately because I wanted to find words to uplift and inspire you. Then, as always, the words came to lift my heart and give rest to my soul. May they carry you too. Single or married, happily alone or thinking about opening your heart yet again to loving someone, these words of wisdom are a foundation for a new year filled with hope and possibilities.


After a while you learn the subtle difference

Between holding a hand

And chaining a soul.

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning

And company doesn’t mean security.

And you begin to learn

That kisses aren’t compromises

And presents aren’t promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes ahead

With the grace of a woman or a man

Not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build all your loads on today

Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans

And futures have a way of falling down in midflight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if

you ask too much.

So you plant your own garden

And decorate your own soul

Instead of waiting for someone to buy you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure

That you really are strong

And you really do have worth.

And you learn. And you learn.

With every failure you learn.


Happy New Year to You!

Are you thinking about finding love again but afraid of getting hurt or disappointed? Maybe you aren’t sure there’s anyone out there for you, but you’re tired of watching sunsets alone. I’d be happy to talk with you about how to find that special someone with whom to share this next amazing chapter of your life in the new year ahead.
Give me a call at 510-817-4242 or email me at donna@donnasbigredchair.love
Donna Bailey, MS
Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups
Donna’s Big RED Chair





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