A good friend of mine who just broke up with a new love said something that made my ears stand up like a German Shepherd. “You know I am actually happier when I’m not in a relationship.” Hmmmmm??
The thing is, I knew just what she meant! I’d been there many times and I was almost nauseated just hearing her say that because I suspect I feel ashamed that I could do that to my sweet self. Being with someone in the name of love, and feeling stressed, uncertain, wacked out crazy, full of self-doubt and yet, there anyway, sometimes breaking it off when the Wise Woman was in charge, and then catapulting myself right back there when my half a self was piloting the ship. Yes, I knew something wasn’t right most of the time, but I just didn’t want to leave something or someone because…????????
So, I turned the box in every direction and many times over searching for something that would make it feel better. Maybe it was me. I just didn’t understand him. He’s an artist and what can you expect from a creative person. He’s just too busy to call or email me when he travels. I just need to grow up and quit expecting too much. What I want is just childish and he was right when he called me “high maintenance”. Does any of this sound familiar?
I’m betting that most everyone has been in at least one relationship where they could safely say in retrospect…”It was definitely not better than being alone.” For me, the turmoil and constant stomach upsets, sleepless nights and self-flagellation was never worth what that relationship provided. But, we all learn and learn and learn some more until one day, instead of staying for a year, we stay for 6 months, then 3, then a month and one day, we recognize it’s the wrong person for us as we are sipping our coffee during that first Match date. Hooray for the human spirit!!! And, we have to love ourselves through it the same way we may need to love a dear friend who cannot yet see how amazing his life is, that he is so worth the whole cake and not the crumbs. It takes all of whatever time it takes to stop going to the hardware store for bread. It’s those big hearts of ours that are both a gift and sometimes a GPS that’s gone haywire!
So, be kind to yourself if you’ve ever said or felt like saying, “You know, I’m happy until I get into a relationship.” Start doing the work it will take to teach that heart of yours how to put yourself first, then take some new paths to find a special someone with whom you will be so much happier sharing that bottle of wine. And, you know what?…there will still be some amazing fun time when you are alone and away from each other too!
Please repost this on your Facebook page so that someone can stop beating themselves up!
If you’re tired of watching those sunsets alone, and want to find someone to share this next amazing chapter of your life, I can show you how to choose love that is good for you!
Call me at 510-817-4242 or email me at email@example.com to schedule a Complimentary Strategy Session!
Donna Bailey, MS
Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert at Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”
Donna’s Big Red Chair