Daily Inspirations

Holidays…You Gotta Love “em”, Right?

 

 

 

Yesterday afternoon I gathered with a bunch of women who decided not to go winter alone. We call it the Women’s Wisdom Circle because despite the cesspool filled with messages to the contrary that live in our heads, we all know that we ARE wise indeed.

 

The only challenge is holding on to that belief as it moves from our gut that says, “Yes! That’s the right move!” to what comes out our mouths which can sound not at all like the truth. Imagine the journey from gut to voice…past our grandmother’s voices, the church’s bony finger, the library shelves marked, “Boys” and “Girls”(Yes, that once did happen, at least up in Northern Maine), and mothers who took little blue pills to keep their voices quiet.

 

In that room yesterday there was wisdom galore. Taking a deep breath, I owned my one word we were allowed describing how we really feel about winter…DREAD!. One woman jumped on it, saying “it’s all in how we define it in our minds”, urging us all to be grateful, keep a journal, relish the alone time, go inward. I tried to buy it, but it wasn’t working for me, at least last night. She didn’t know me yet, so how could she know that going inward was not my challenge, and that I had stacks of gratitude journals, and that I AM grateful for so many things in my life? There are times when all the gratitude in the world doesn’t touch how we feel this time of year…both because it’s winter, and for some of us, because we’re alone and want to go outward toward another human being. To find love again and cherish alone time rather than looking for ways to stay awake just to have less of it…that’s what we want. 

 

I recently moved after a rather difficult year back in CA. I wasn’t well most of that year and lost my apartment in a market that only the tech folks can afford. And yes, I was grateful then as now. But, change is just plain hard, even when it’s good. Now, I can begin to feel the good of it as I sled down a hill in my grandson’s backyard almost crying from the joy of it. New friendships are feeling warmer and I’m in the circle most days rather than feeling outside it. And, I’m waking up to the want again. The longing for love and all that it brings to winter’s chill.

 

Turning on my computer to browse faces, scanning the rooms at the art opening, remembering that those bright, sweet men I seek might be at the library. Remembering how much lovelier holidays are when you can share them with someone special makes it well worth the layers of underwear, down coats, ugly hats and sturdy shoes it takes to put one foot in front of the other.

 

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to share this next chapter of your life with someone special? Are you tired of watching sunsets alone? Are you ready to do whatever it takes to find love again?

Begin NOW, and perhaps next year’s holidays will find you dancing!

 

Call me and let me get you started on your90 Days to Love”

510-817-4242  or email me at donna@donnasbigredchair.love

 

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big RED Chair

www.donnasbigredchair.love

Big Red Chair

It’s Safe to Love and Be Loved

 

 

This morning I was listening to a guided meditation. God bless technology and apps that can bring this kind of peace to my mornings. And, how often when I’ve been steeped in the down-side of technology for the past two weeks do I remember the upside of what it brings to my life every single day? Love and loving are like that too. I can get lost in the memories of the past that can make me want to ditch the whole dang thing. 

 

Her soothing voice gave me permission to lie down rather than sit up straight with my feet on the floor and my posture erect. Believe me, at 6 am the word “erect” is not in my vocabulary…well, that’s not totally true. OK…back to meditation. After a few deep breaths, my guide told me to think of someone with whom I feel totally at ease, with whom I can be myself and who makes me feel totally safe. My gratitude for more than one friend who fit that bill rose from the depths of my soul. How lucky was I that I had to decide which one of them I’d focus on this time?

 

One of my friends in California drifted into my heart. I remembered many times when we were together at her home, at restaurants…it didn’t matter which memory arose, what was so beautiful was that each and every time we were together over the years, I never had to be anyone other than who I was at that moment in time. No memories of feeling judged or her wanting me to change. Just the hum of acceptance and with that, the feeling of complete relaxation and comfort…the kind I seek daily, and this morning, through meditation.

 

“Now, think of the person you want in your life to be your next life partner”, she said. “Imagine yourself and this person together at an event, a date, a place. Do you feel that same safety and acceptance you felt when you remembered your friend?” I did! I knew then, that all those years when I’d journal about feeling safe, it wasn’t an anomaly, a wounded woman who had not been safe as a child. It was simply “normal” that a healthy relationship from the moment you meet someone MUST give you the feeling that you are safe, that you are like treasured friends. There are no exceptions. 

 

So, if you are in a treasured relationship, ask yourself if you feel that safety so essential to trust and the ability to truly love. If not, perhaps it’s time to look at that and see if perhaps there’s a way to make the changes necessary to feel safe and accepting of one another again.

 

If you are living solo, and long to find the next love of your life, now you know that this next love will begin with friendship. That you will feel safe from the first coffee date onward. Trust yourself and open your heart. You will know the difference between authentic healthy love simply by asking, “Does this person make me feel safe?” You deserve to feel safe and loved by another. 

 

Are you tired of watching sunsets alone and ready to find an amazing person who makes you feel safe? Don’t be afraid. I am here to join you as your guide on this journey to love.

Contact me and we will set up a complimentary session and get you on your way to love!

Donna Bailey, MS
Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups
Donna’s Big RED Chair
510-817-4242   donna@donnasbigredchair.love

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Big Red Chair

 

 

What DO We Want in Love Now?

 

Recently I met a man online who was new to the scene. Bright, articulate and very clear about what he wasn’t looking for in a woman and his next relationship. Reading it, I thought, “I like how clear he is. He’s honest and confident and really a bright man…an amazing writer and he can spell!” I could almost feel the chemicals being released in my body and it felt wonderful, that sweet sensation letting me know I wasn’t dead yet.

 

At the same moment those hormones were taking off their pajamas, a light came on not only because I couldn’t sleep, but because I was about to sleepwalk right back into a familiar place…a black hole that I’d fallen into many times before. I felt a smile come across my face and like a recovering alcoholic, I knew this time I would take a different street even though there was a lot of comfort in that hole.

 

I’m addicted to the mysterious man who is a bit of an unknown quantity. He’s “almost there” or “exploring” love and relationships, and always, very “conscious”. He says he wants love in his life, he’s happy with his life, likes living alone but wants to find someone special to spend time with and share some things in his life sometimes. You get the picture, but do you get the attraction? It’s a bit like Ernest Hemingway with a dash of Richard Gere. Illusive, handsome, bright, creative, romantic and ever so charming. I’ve had some amazing food with these men. Fine wines, beautiful settings in gorgeous locations, romantic sails and even spent some wonderful holidays right out of a movie set. What more could a woman ask for? 

 

I’ve grown over the years, perhaps, grown up. Still drawn to those men who sort of want a relationship. I now know that although the honeymoon will be amazing, what will follow for me at least,  is the emptiness, confusion, struggle and drama that belongs in that Hemingway novel but not in my precious life. Now, I know to walk around that hole, take another street. That other street is less familiar and requires more from me than blithely following those delicious hormones down the road. Now, I must choose what is right for me and that requires knowing what that truly IS. It means facing my fear that he might not be out there, or at least within 50 miles of me. And the temptation to settle can return again and again when that fear appears.

 

Isn’t being a grown up a wonderful thing? It may be hard work at times, but the rewards are so amazing. When I find the man I truly want and deserve, I’ll happily walk over those spent fireworks that lay on the ground,  holding the hand of someone who wants what I want. The journey begins with knowing what that is.

 

Do you know yourself, who you are NOW, and what you really want in your next amazing relationship? Begin there because when you know who you are and what you want, you can know them when you see them. 

I’m here to hold your hand, keep you motivated and teach you how to trust yourself…and see dating as an adventure!
Let’s meet each other and get you on the road to finding love again. For a complimentary 30-minute session, give me a call at 510-817-4242 or email me at donna@donnasbigredchair.love to set up a time to talk.

 

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, and Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big RED Chair

www.donnasbigredchair.love

Big Red Chair

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