Daily Inspirations

Please, No Drama Ladies!

Oil and water not mixingIt seems that there are quite a few men out there in the dating world who are quick to say,”I don’t want any drama in my life.” What exactly do they mean by that??

 

If by “drama” men mean conflict, then good luck finding a healthy woman or for that matter, a healthy dog. If there is no conflict in your relationship, something is amiss, and the degree to which you can negotiate will tell you all you need to know about the prospects that the relationship will survive.

 

Let’s assume he does know how to deal with inevitable conflict. Perhaps, “drama” brings up the memory of a woman of the past that he just couldn’t make happy no matter what he did. The more she wanted from him, the louder she got. With each increase in decibel or the number of “We need to talk(s)”, he withdrew. And each time he “went away”, she sank into despair. Is this what he calls drama?

 

For every man’s desire to avoid “drama”, there are a dozen women who are asking for a partner that can “communicate”. And she means…??? She might mean he doesn’t check out, get quiet, get angry…she just wants him to “get what I am saying”…to be understood. Don’t we all want that?

 

Here’s what must happen if we are to find a loving partner. We have to understand each other as men and women. The first thing we need to accept is that we are like night and day in the best of circumstances. Men who are healthy and vibrant want to be loved and understood, and most of all, ladies…they want to make you happy. That is numero uno for them…just to make you happy.

 

Men…a woman who is healthy will feel things deeply and though she is strong and capable, she will need you to listen to her, hold her at the end of the day and just listen. She doesn’t need a solution. She just needs to be heard. That is what makes her happiest of all.

Please post this on your social media site and post your comments on this blog. Let’s get this conversation started so we can be happy in love.

 

 

 

Loving the In-Between

leaf floating down a river

Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we want to be, we have to be willing to be in-between. It can feel like being lost in the woods.

 

 

 

One of the hardest things we have to do as we grow and change is let go of what is old and familiar, what we don’t want and be willing to stand there empty-handed and wait for something new to appear. As human beings with brilliant minds, we long for meaning when standing in the dark.

 

Being in-between might mean being without work, or not having a love relationship. We ache from it, long for it, need it, deserve it, want it and yet, the time is not right. We have to clear out a place in us before we can receive the next best thing.

 

Letting go of the familiar is frightening even when people, places, things and ways of coping have not gotten us even a smidgen closer to what we want and deserve. That is exactly why we often keep settling.

 

We ask ourselves when our gut is churning, or we feel a subtle but persistent restlessness whether or not we need to just accept things as they are. The choir in our heads tells us that we are “unrealistic”, that we expect too much, or that we are acting like a child and need to just grow up. We all know what being grown up means…  giving up the joy that only children are allowed. The choir members are never our own authentic voices. They are onion-layered chatter of well-meaning people who contributed to our being lost in the woods in the first place.

 

So we stand here without answers, directions or even the sun to guide us out. We can hardly stand it! And we must stand there and wait. By surrendering, we can make our time in the woods shorter by simply quieting our minds and thanking those voices of fear that served a useful purpose in the past by keeping us safe. Then, we stop fighting. Like falling into a rushing river, the way we stay alive is not by thrashing and gasping for air. We must allow the river to support us and trust it. Float for a while, notice the beauty of the woods, breathe in the night sky and trust that when you have made room in your heart and you are open to the unexpected and no longer afraid of letting go of the used-up familiar, you will have your answers.

Does It Matter What Your Friends Think?

Friends

 

 

Friends can be a really important source of honest feedback when we want it or when we don’t. They can see things we might miss and they can project their unfinished business on our lives and a burgeoning new relationship we’ve just begun to explore.

 

First of all, friends take many forms and we need to know which friends to ask when we want some guidance. You see, each of us has our gifts and talents in the scheme of life. Some of our friends are great when we need encouragement to take risks. They cheer us on when we say, “I gotta get out of this job!” Another friend may not be a risk taker and the very thought of you saying you are going to start a new venture terrifies them. To reduce THEIR anxiety, those  friends will  try to squash that idea before it even comes out of your mouth. Be sure, however to go to them when you are trying to decide which microwave is the best value!

 

When you meet a new person and your lives begin to merge in wonderful ways, friends, yours and theirs, will be part of that mix. It’s important however that you and your new sweetheart take time to get to know each other before those intros begin.

 

It’s an odd thing, but in my experience men seem to have some need to introduce you to their old girlfriends. Unlike women, they often stay in touch with them over time.  I’m not sure about the reasons for this interesting gender difference, but it can be  strange and unnerving to me if that happens even before he knows my favorite restaurant, or that I have a shellfish allergy. Your new relationship really needs a more firm foundation before you add intros to your old flames. Better yet, perhaps the question is whether those intros needs to happen at all

 

At some point, it’s  important to meet each other’s friends. They can give you valuable information about him or her. But spend enough time as a new couple experiencing  both joyful and more stressful situations so that as my BFF says, ” you can see how he behaves when a tire goes flat.” Develop your own feelings and opinions and continue to keep your eyes wide open early in your relationship so that  friends can add to what you already know or feel. They may see things you haven’t yet seen and those observations might turn out to be really valuable when your own head comes out of the pink cloud.  Trust yourself first, then you will be able to listen with an open mind to what others who love you feel about your new-found love.

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