Daily Inspirations

The Wee Small Hours of the Morning

starry sky

 

 

“In the wee small hours of the morning, when the whole wide world is fast asleep…”

 

It is one of my favorite old songs, and one of the most beautiful times of the day. A time of uncluttered honesty when the soul speaks to us, something to be treasured and never rushed.

 

Before you open your eyes and begin thinking of all the things you have to do today, allow yourself to listen to what is really important to your true self, the one you might have forgotten. This tiny window of time is precious.

 

Do you feel sick and need to nurture yourself? Is something bothering you that happened at work? Does the memory of something good that happened to you wash over you? An idea that you feel excited about gets your heart pumping…before the voices say anything to squash it. Is there something you need to say to someone?

 

The morning is an ideal time to listen to ourselves. Our defenses are down, we are beautifully vulnerable and this is a shining moment of truth-telling straight from our soul. So, don’t miss it. Just lay there and listen. 

 

 

 

Roses Changed My Life

 dead roses

 

FTD must have been the original St. Valentine, or the Saint was a hell of an entrepreneur.

 

Roses are synonymous with The Big Red Heart day. Thanks to the media, not a man alive escapes the message that your sweetheart will give you ANYTHING if you remember the roses. And, according to Valentine’s Day rules, the ones in buckets at the local grocery store don’t count.

 

Well, I certainly believed that my husband knew that, but in case he didn’t, as we strolled by the downtown florist I “oooed” and “ahhhed” over those “roses in the window”. Now, I was SURE he got the message!

 

Enter V Day in rural Maine. The year, 1983. It was the same year we had purchased our first desktop computer and Dell became a household word. I was like a kid playing in the mud about that computer. A burgeoning writer, the idea of never again using carbon paper and easy editing was almost orgasmic.

 

I woke up to the second day of a Nor’easter. The lake in front of our house was frozen solid, the roads plowed during the night were now piling up once again. My first thought was that those florist delivery trucks would make it no matter what. So, the titillating wait began.

 

My husband dressed and shoveled his way to the car heading for the hospital where he worked. I guessed he was preoccupied with weather when he didn’t mention Valentine’s Day, so I let it go. The roses would mend everything.

 

Not only were there no florist delivery vans on the road that day, but it was hard for a snow plow to stay upright. As darkness came and it was time for my husband’s return from work, I put on a little black dress, opened a bottle of wine and put the kids to bed. On the counter was a lovely crystal vase just waiting for those roses.

 

The door opened and brushing off the snow, he said, “What’s for dinner?” What???  OK, he was going to surprise me. The roses were in the car and I began to worry that they would freeze, but poured us both a glass of wine. Since he hadn’t said those magic words, “Happy Valentine’s Day, darling.” I took the initiative (It was the era of feminism after all).

 

He then pulled a brown paper bag out of his briefcase and handed it to me with a smile and a toast. I couldn’t believe what I pulled out of that bag…a book! Are you kidding me, I thought. A book! It was an early version of Computers for Dummies. To add insult to injury,  it was a book about computers! That is second only to a blender for your anniversary. I was surprised, disappointed and really pissed and it all came rolling out of my mouth. “You got me a BOOK for Valentine’s Day?” I said. And then I saw his face lose all signs of life and joy. As he walked away, I felt so ashamed and yet, I was still filled with disappointment and confusion.  How could he not know I wanted roses for Valentine’s Day? Remember the walk by the florist window?  Any man with a brain should know his sweetheart wants roses.

 

After what seemed like hours, he reappeared and we sat down to a cold dinner, half a candle and a Golden Retriever who had retreated under the table. “Donna, do you know what I went through to get you that book? I wanted you to enjoy the computer because I know how important writing is to you, so I drove in a blizzard all the way to Boston (almost 200 miles) to get this book for you. I thought you would appreciate it, but I can see you don’t.”

My heart sank. I knew that all the apologies in the world could not make up for the words I could never take back.

 

That day my life changed in ways that were profound and permanent. For the first time I knew that men want to make us happy. That they have their own ways of showing love. That they cannot read our minds. That our expectations of them are based not on their world, but on our preconceived notions of what love looks like.

 

That Valentine’s Day love came from Barnes and Noble, not from Teleflora. It came with such beautiful  intention and thought. All I had to do was be open to what HE called love. It changed me forever and though I am still waiting for those roses, I know that one day love will bring them my way. 

A Clean Slate

IMG_1198How much information about our past do we need to share when we meet someone?

 

Recently a friend introduced me to a really wonderful man. Now this in and of itself is a novel thing…to be introduced to someone instead of swimming in the pool of online dating. After the introduction, the two of us began communicating via LinkedIn mail seeing each other’s professional history and that ever-important photo! After perusing his profile and work history, I felt something was missing. It was a bit unnerving and for awhile I couldn’t understand craving yet more information before we were to meet. Then, it hit me! When we use an online dating site, we have personal information that somehow gives us the sense that we know this person before we meet them. Of course, if you have ever done the “coffee date” where you get to see just how old that photo is, you quickly realize that sometimes very little of what they write about themselves feels true. “Loves dogs and kittens, favorite movie, “When Harry Met Sally”, all about world peace”..and then he appears and rages at the barista while screeching about the guy who cut him off in the parking lot.

 

So, why do we Google them, read each sentence of the profile and want information about their past? Perhaps for a good reason…is this a safe person I am meeting (for women)? But most often, it gives us fodder for a script that we begin to write from the moment we read, text or Google. The sorting, eliminating, wondering, assuming and preconceptions begin…and we haven’t even met them. 

 

How important is someone’s past experience in relationships with former spouses or partners? If we postpone talking about that when we first meet someone, what could we learn about them that might allow us to stay open? Open to the possibilities that people learn, grow and DO change over their lives. And, look out for the ones that haven’t.

 

So, the next time you meet someone, try something different. Get to know them in the present and bring your new sweet self, the one that has a ton of life experience to share and ask yourself, “What is important NOW?”. You have grown and changed, and you know…he probably has too.

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