Faith

The Keeper of the Shoe

 

I recently met a man who brought with him a story about a woman who had recently left him. The narrative wasn’t simple and he was left standing in a big puddle of WTF!!?? His version of the story was one of many sweet months of fun and companionship. She had just stuck her neck out from under a shell in which she had been living since her husband passed five years earlier. I can only imagine how this world of dating looked after a long marriage that ended when cancer took her only love. And, now meeting this man who was solid, sweet and no doubt a loving new partner, she must have let love in again while still gripping that photo by her bed to hold on to those memories as well.

 

One day this sweet man was rushed to the hospital with pneucoccal pneumonia….you know the one that can kill you, the one that our doctors tell us “natural medicine new-agers” we REALLY need to get vaccinated for? Before this bacteria took him to the hospital, he was a healthy man, skiing the powder in Utah at 71 and still racing cars. And, after that three days in the hospital, he was back!

 

She came to visit him in the hospital, brought him food and stayed in touch, but the touch felt to this man as if it was now cool and distant. He must have felt the chill before she arrived to tell him it was over. Not only was it over, but she told him she didn’t ever want to see him again, not to call or contact her and left. Thus, standing in the WTF?! began, as did the constant questions…”What did I do?” being chief among them. No way to know. Only she had that answer and all contact was now gone.

 

In desperation, he went to her house to try and get some resolution, just an answer that he could understand. Was it too much to ask? The only thing he learned on that visit was that this 60 year old woman was now dating a 31 year old man. She had found a new love…was that the reason? It didn’t give him a moment of solace. and when I met him, it was the first thing he told me. He still had to know what he did and how bad it must have been for her to walk away, never to talk again? Can you imagine total rejection from out of the blue and no way to resolve it (that he knew how to do)?

 

So, he meets a new woman three months after this devastating experience and now, will watch her every move, every innuendo, timing of her return calls. She is the Keeper of the Other Shoe. And, where can that lead either of them?

Most of us who live and love long enough will get hurt in love. Sometimes it’s our choice of partners, death, divorce, old patterns that lead us to choose those who can’t love anyone and though it’s not personal, our hearts get broken.

After heartbreak, we need time to heal. Only we know how long that is. Don’t listen to otwho want to tell you what your timetable should be. Take the time. Ask for help from friends, clergy or a professional, but know that you must heal your broken heart so that when that next opportunity to love appears in all its splendor, you can grab it and cherish whatever happens. You won’t have a sore neck or a guarded heart while waiting for that shoe to drop.

Take your time…

If your heart is broken from losing someone you loved, it will mend. I would love to show you how to get from pain to joy again.

Text or call me at 510-87-4242 and let’s talk about it.

Teleconferencing now to keep us all safe and sound.

The Day My Mother Stopped Looking for Love

Not my Mother, but she was just as beautiful!

Not my Mother, but she was just as beautiful!

 

 

 

My mother was a stunningly beautiful woman. The oldest of nine children of first generation landowners, she grew up on a tobacco farm in the deep South. Unlike my sweet grandchildren, my mother never knew what childhood felt like. She told me stories about standing on a stool on cold winter mornings well before the sun came up making biscuits alongside her mother, warmed only by the wood-fired stove. When she shared the stories, she never smiled. She wore her anger and sadness all over that beautiful body.

What she wanted, second only to her freedom from taking care of her siblings, was to be a model. Tall, stately with the most beautiful long legs and perfect lips, she was something to behold. At 18 she was out the door. Working as a telephone operator to earn a living, she began to do some modeling at local department stores. She was finally on her way! Until, that is, a very handsome man showed up with enough charm to sweep Ava Gardner off her feet. Every woman loves a man in uniform and those Coast Guard whites must have done her in. Before she knew it she was married with three children soon to follow. That scene wasn’t in her dream, but then again, women’s dreams rarely came true in the 1940’s.

 

My Daddy died young and left a beautiful widow with three children to raise, but my mother never missed having her “hair done” and as they used to say, “always looked just like she stepped out of the band box”. Though we had very little money, she always looked beautiful, even when “nobody was coming”. And, she never lost her interest in a good-looking man.

 

Over the years, she dated men, many of whom were truly a mess. But, she kept that spark for love until she was about 60. That was the day I remember seeing her in a jogging suit and a pair of Keds. In the days that followed, she bought more jogging suits to wear and the dresses disappeared except when she went to work. The sparkle in her eyes seemed to dull and my beautiful mother seemed to grow older every day. Years later, I realized this was when she “gave up on men”.

 

This is how it goes for some people, and they don’t even have to be 60. The feeling that love isn’t worth the trouble, that they always choose the wrong people, that sense of hopelessness about ever finding love. Like my mother, they just put on those jogging suits and never take them off.

 

The search for love takes effort and it’s easy to feel it isn’t worth it. Perhaps it isn’t for some people. But, I’m here to tell you that finding love again is so worth all the effort it takes. Just because you’ve not yet found the person that makes your heart sing, because you think he/she isn’t out there or that you are too old, or your “chooser” is defective…making the decision to do whatever it takes and asking someone to walk with you while you open your heart to love can mean a sweeter, longer, more beautiful life. Companionship, touch, sharing your joys and sorrows…who doesn’t want that?

 

Before you settle into your jogging suit, ask yourself if you wouldn’t rather have a glass of wine or watch a sunrise with a handsome man or a beautiful, charming woman with dreams and passion that might just be yours too!

If you know someone who’s about to put on their jogging suit, please send them the link to this post. It may just be the thing that inspires them to keep their dresses rather than shipping them  off to Goodwill!

 

If you are tired of watching sunsets alone and are willing to do whatever it takes to find a special someone to share this next amazing chapter of your life, I’ll show you how and be there to hold your hand.

Email me at donna@donnasbigredchair.love or call 510-817-4242 to set up a time for a Complimentary Strategy Session with me. Let’s see what the NEW YEAR can bring to you!

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”

Donna’s Big Red Chair

donna@donnasbigredchair.love    510-817-4242

www.donnasbigredchair.love 

 

Big Red Chair

Love at the Farmers’ Market??

 

It was as if someone turned the spigot on that morning. Love was flowing through me, rusty pipes and all.

I never cease to be amazed…

Saturday morning I made my way down to Batavia’s Farmer’s Market. My first time. And though I’d heard it was a great little market, my expectations weren’t a match for the experience that awaited. Already booths were abundant with organic fruits and veggies, flowers bunched and wrapped in that brown crinkly paper, tied with yellow grosgrain ribbon…the kind your Grandmother used to hold your hair back out of your eyes.

 

Local honey and stories about bright green and yellow patty pan squash, no longer yellow, but swirls of bright yellow and the deepest forest greens I’ve ever witnessed on a vegetable. Seems the bees were cross-pollinating now (something many of us single folks sometimes have on our minds!). Beets, sweet and the color of strawberries came with a promise that if I tried them and wasn’t happy, the farmer would give me a refund.

 

Happy chickens that actually walked around all day, cows that didn’t go into the barn ’til sunset. Just like the Midwestern folks I’ve met, seems the food must be happy too. Of course, being a virgin market attendee, I overbought…maybe to have an excuse to invite my son and grandson over for Sunday brunch?

 

Done now, lugging the bags toward the top of River St., I glanced over to see the most beautiful handmade bread and pastries ever!  Well, the exception is my best friend, Charlotte’s breads whose Grandmother, Ida created and lovingly passed on to her. There they were! So I had to stop, right? Knowing I’d be eating enough gluten to inflame the joints of every soul I knew didn’t deter me one bit. Salivating, I watched him pull the loaf of walnut raisin rye, two almond scones, and a half dozen English muffins. Anxious, diving into my wallet, I saw the sign…“Cash only, please”. I could feel the disappointment flooding over me as I stood with my useless debit card. Then, that sweet guy’s voice stopped the spiral of despair. “Don’t worry about it. Really. Just enjoy it. Next time you come to the Market, pay me then.” I began the offers…“I can find an ATM. Let me just take a croissant. Keep my driver’s license. How about I give you my first-born?” He handed me the bag, smiled and repeated, “Just enjoy it.” 

 

I walked away feeling a bit teary with joy. There’s no shortage of love even in these days that can feel as if we are living in the darkness of an empty cellar at times. It’s so easy to lose sight of the love all around when we are busy, not feeling well or watching the national news…or when we’re alone, in a new town, out of a relationship with someone we thought was our forever love.

 

Just for today, take time to be loving to those you meet, recalling all the people in your life who love you to the moon and back. If all else fails, go to the movies and see the documentary about Fred Rogers, “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?”. It’s worth the money and a couple of hours of your life and a box of Kleenex to be reminded of what they say in another of my favorite films, “Love Actually”…“Love really is…all around”. 

 

If you’d like some help in finding that love of your life, why not call me and see how that can happen?

 

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big RED Chair

510-817-4242   donna@donnasbigredchair.love

Sign up for my blogs to the right of this one and you’ll always get the new ones…and no spam!

 

Big Red Chair

 

 

 

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