Risk taking

I Might Get Hurt

If you have been breathing,  you have been hurt by someone or something in this life.

One of the major reasons we avoid opening our minds, much less our hearts to dead tulipslook for love now is that it still hurts.

You’ve heard the sound of hurt before…

  • “I am perfectly happy being alone. I don’t need anyone.”
  • “It would be nice to have someone to grow old with, but it is just too much trouble.”
  • “Why open myself up to being hurt again?”
  • “I really do want to find someone, but I just don’t have time!”
  • “I went online once and nobody responded to my emails, so that didn’t work.”

Some of that may feel true and fear is normal for all of us who want to love again…and yet…

Everyone wants and NEEDS to be loved and to love and, I mean beyond our dogs and cats, grandchildren and godchildren, and even our best friends. I am talking cuddling, holding, kissing, lying in bed listening to the other snoring, touching and being touched, and for many having mad fabulous sex! And when we have been in an emotional and relational desert for a long time, it is SO painful that we often develop ways of protecting ourselves from the possibility that we might be hurt again.  Denial becomes our way of coping, and over time we convince ourselves that we don’t need love anyway. So,WE BUY ANOTHER DOG!

Step One to finding a special someone is taking that sadness and longing out of mothballs and looking at the cost of living without love. Doctors will tell you that people who are in relationships live longer and have fewer physical and emotional problems. I am here to tell you that the risk of looking for love will always be worth it. And, you’ll have to get off your sofa and begin.

Will it hurt? It most definitely will at times. But will the rewards of opening your heart wide be far greater than any hurt you may experience?…I can guarantee it, or your money back!

 

Do you ever feel like your life is “really OK”, but when the sun sets or you open that bottle of red that is your favorite, you really wish you had someone with whom to share those moments? You’d love to go back to Italy, but don’t want to do it alone? Maybe it’s time to start the journey to finding someone special with whom to share this next amazing chapter of your life. Afraid and don’t know where to begin? I’m there to show you the way…

Get out of your chair, and give me a call, or email me to see how your can find someone to love…again

The 30-minute call is complimentary!

 

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big RED Chair

510-817-4242   donna@donnasbigredchair.love

www.donnasbigredchair.love

 

I Was Really Ready to Give Up Looking

 

I recently hit the wall , wondering if I had finally come to the place, like my mother did when she was just a few years younger than I am right now. That day she said, “I’m done with men”, and put on her sweatpants and never looked back. The past months had been disappointing in my search for love. Like my Mother, I felt discouraged. I didn’t have the energy to fight it or care if the longing and looking for someone to love again ever returned so I just let it be. Funny thing was, I really enjoyed the peace of mind…until one day, when again I realized that though my life was full and I was loved by so many people, it wasn’t the same as being “in love” with someone who made my life even happier.

 

Yesterday I got home from Maine where I spent 17 wonderful years. Most of those years were in a relationship with a man who became a great father of our youngest son, and for four years I was a single parent of my two boys. Most of my  married friends welcomed me into their families and hearts. I never felt like a “third wheel”, and yet I envied them their long-lasting relationships, always wondering if they could really understand what it feels like to be alone on long winter nights.

 

Recently, a client was talking about why she was ready to find love, talking about being tired of being alone. She stopped suddenly, mid-sentence and put her hand on her abdomen. “I can feel it here inside and there aren’t words for it”, she said with a sad softness. At that moment, I too felt how deeply painful being alone can feel. That there truly aren’t words for it…the longing to have someone with whom to share the joys and sorrows of life. 

 

That feeling is what creates the hunger that can bring us back when we’re about to give up. It is the starting gate that propels us forward when it’s easier to convince ourselves that it’s not that important, or that our dog’s kisses are enough. And if we’re not careful, that longing can turn into discouragement because it’s not worth being hurt or disappointed again. Today I’m grateful for the return of the longing and my refusal to put on my Mother’s sweat pants…at least for now.

 

If you too know that longing, I hope you won’t be afraid to feel it, and that you’ll choose to open your heart once again. Put those sweatpants up in the closet for now and take a chance that love is out there if you’ll just keep trying…or begin looking again.

 

There’s a way to do this to increase your chance of finding love and to avoid the “weeds” of disappointment along the way (most of the time, anyway). I’m happy to share my experience with you and be your guide to loving again.

 

Want to learn more about “Finding Love in 90 Days”? Give me a call at 510-817-4242 to schedule Complimentary Session to see if you’re ready to find someone with whom to share those sunsets and winter nights by the fire.

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big RED Chair

donna@donnasbigredchair.love    510-817-4242

www.donnasbigredchair.love

Why Can’t We Just DO IT?

 

All of us have dreams…things we want to do before we pass on. For some it’s traveling in an RV across country and some of want to live “Under the Tuscan Sun”. Getting a hole-in-one,  learning to tango, writing a book, picking up a violin again. Dreams are the things that touch our souls and create a longing that never goes away. Like a petulant child tapping on our shoulder they are relentless,  asking “When? When? When?”

 

I was talking with a friend today who is longing to leave a job he’s been doing for 30 years. He is weary of it.  You see he wants to put the time and energy, and a little piece of his heart into a new endeavor that will help people better understand and prepare for life after 55, what caring for aging parents really means. He wanted to know how to find time for his lifelong dream when there are “better things to do”(things you HAVE to do).

 

He asked me what gets in the way?… what lies between the longing and the doing? I didn’t have to think about it long because I know what is getting in my way. Fear and those obnoxious but very convincing monkeys that must have by now grayed and aged just like me. The fear seems obvious…

“What if it doesn’t work?” “What if nobody reads it?” “What if I make a fool of myself?” It’s the monkeys on my back however that have been with me for so long that they’ve become my best friends. Their messages are more insidious…

“You aren’t really a writer. Just look at Anne Lamont. Now SHE’s a writer.”  “You need to be thinking about more important things.” “Who do you think YOU are?” Ahhhhh, yes indeed. Hard as hell to shake those. 

 

How do we finally get to the place where we say “to hell with it” and get beyond just thinking about it, making a plan, reading more books about someone else who’s lived our dream and done it well? I told my friend the monkeys were never leaving. That we had to get angry enough, tired enough of pushing the dreams away, and see the truth…We’ve no time left to waste. Who wants to be on a deathbed asking “Why didn’t I do it?” When we finally realize the truth, we’ll find the courage that was always there and we’ll  grab a new vine, letting go of the one we’ve stubbornly held on to out of fear.  Whooping it up, we’ll swing out over that scary ravine toward what matters most in our sweet short life…our dreams. 

 

So today, I urge you to stop thinking about your dreams. Instead, take hold of that vine and swing out!!! One day when you are old and perhaps at the end of this life, you’ll have a peaceful smile on your face and no regrets.What a way to go!!

 

If you dream of finding love again, and are ready to ditch your monkeys and step toward that vine that will lead you to finding love, I am there to hold your hand.
Give me a call today or email me for a Complimentary Session to Finding Love in 90 Days
510-817-4242    donna@donnasbigredchair.love

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big Red Chair

www.donnasbigredchair.love

 

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