Surrender

It’s One of the Hardest Things You’ll Ever Need to Do

 

This year I’m in a time of great transition. My gut seems to be playing the role of Rudolph, lighting the way in days or parts of days that can feel like a dark woods. It isn’t pleasant and sometimes it leaves me in a heap, having spent the day getting deeper and deeper into a big ball of yarn. What’s the secret sauce? I ask. I beg, I pray. I whine. You see, I don’t like being out of control. I just hate it!

 

This past year I lost my housing.  Five years ago friends who I adore rented their sweet little condo to me, telling me to  “make it your own”. There was no time limit, so we all thought. Then a year ago they needed to sell it and no amount of wishing could change that. It was time for a new chapter and yet, every time I tried to write it, there were no words. Maybe Stephen King can force himself to meet a deadline, but mine come when they come and no amount of forcing ever works. Same with which direction to go. Looking at a four-way intersection without a marker, not a clue which fork will get me there. It’s like looking at a blank canvas when you’ve got your paints and brushes all ready to go and feeling frozen by “too much white”.

 

What do we do when we are what I call “neither here nor there”…that state of airless suspended animation, or so it seems? Where nothing is happening and we are crying for the answers. You won’t like the answer and neither do I but here it is…NOTHING. We do nothing. Not because we give up, though we do have to let go of the stranglehold we have on it. You see, what we can’t see, feel or know is that we ARE doing something already. Our unconscious is working night and day. Invisible shifts in our landscape are moving us. And, if we can stop struggling like a woman who thinks she’s drowning in a pool until she puts her feet down and touches bottom…we have a chance to find some peace and serenity.

 

Answers come, break-ups heal, clarity and solutions mysteriously arrive when we trust. Perhaps we need to just trust our gut, our Higher Power, morning meditation time, our doctors and healers. When we’re lost and there’s no clear way to go, the only answer is doing nothing, waiting for the water to clear and knowing that though it feels like we’re alone, we never really are.  I hope whatever transition you are in this year, that you can let go of the choke-hold that you have on it, trust your gut and remember what worked for you in the past. I’m betting it was a big dose of faith.

 

Are you tired of struggling and wondering why you can’t find someone to love? Are you ready to look at what’s getting in your way? I’m here to help you see that there is love out there and show you how to find it.

If you’re in a life transition, looking for love, I offer a Complimentary Session

Call me at 510-817-4242 or email me at donna@donnasbigredchair.love to schedule a time!

 

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for Grown-ups

Donna’s Big RED Chair

www.donnasbigredchair.love

 

 

OMG, What am I Going to Do Now?

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There is only one thing we can guarantee this new year to bring and that is change. Sometimes we ask for it. A hidden populus votes a man with zero experience in running a country into the highest office in the United States under the banner of change not even knowing perhaps what they want changed, simply that they don’t like things the way they are.

 

Nature must have known that change could be dangerous. We evolved lizard brains that have only one setting, “Don’t Change. Danger!!!”, and thanks to the lizard, we stay alive when motorists threaten to run us over or our bodies say, “Geezzz, 18 below and they say there is no such thing as climate change?” while we put on our llama-lined socks with heaters.

 

Yes, things around us change every second of our lives and yet, change is frightening for most of us even if we are miserable where we are.  As the saying goes, “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.”

 

This year I know for certain now that I will be moving from my sweet little sanctuary that has for four years sheltered me and fed my soul. Its southern exposure warmed my spirit and body no matter the season. My walks alongside the Bay, beautiful views as spectacular as anywhere in the world, a safe, snuggly tree house where I could look down at a busy world and up at the most astounding sunsets you can imagine. And now I have to move in the coming year, and today, I can only feel sadness and a longing to keep things the same.

 

Here’s what I know about change given a lifetime of moving from coast to coast, developing new businesses and moving on to the next thing, and yes, not being a woman who has a trophy for “longest marriage”.  The sadness and the fear are truly temporary. Next will come the excitement and the wonder of what will be next? Perhaps the Bay won’t be in view, but I’m betting something else just as beautiful is waiting right around the corner. Would I have chosen any of this? No. But often, change chooses for us and like toddlers, we are tugged along with no idea where the hell we are going.

 

So wherever you are in your life, know that it will be different tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. Stay curious and excited and open so that you can absorb the juiciness that change will bring to your life. Yes, it’s scary as hell at times. You’ll feel lost in the dark woods. Days may go by where you can’t get out of your pajamas and you need a rake to comb your matted hair. Just stay with it and let it take you to places yet unknown.

 

Happy New Year and Bring on the Changes!

If you’re tired of watching those sunsets alone and really ready to CHANGE your life so that you can find that special someone with whom to share this next amazing chapter,  I can show you how.

Call me at 520-817-4242 or email me at donna@donnasbigredchair.love for a Complimentary Strategy Session today. 

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”

Donna’s Big Red Chair

510-817-4242   donna@donnasbigredchair.love

www.donnasbigredchair.love

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It’s Just One of Those Days

 

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They’re testing our building smoke alarms today. Obnoxious, but there is a silver lining.

 

This morning I woke up having had a fitful night wrestling with crazy dreams. I felt as if I had a block of lead in my belly and I knew this morning wasn’t going to look like a Julie Andrews’ kind of thing.  

 

Tempted to pull the covers over my head, which by the way is a fine way to cope sometimes, I resisted that urge and grabbed my socks, my pathetic looking yoga pants and a baggy shirt and headed for the kitchen. I didn’t look like Julie Andrews either.

 

A constant friend and total savior, my morning cup of tea was bound to save the day as it always does. Reaching for those beautiful leaves from India, suddenly I became aware of a deep sadness right where that lead had been. My mind began searching for the answers. Why am I sad? I wasn’t sad yesterday. I have everything I need…friends, family, a beautiful place to live, the most amazing grand kids. Remember, that mind whirring. you’re going to go milk cows with them on Sunday! Forcing gratitude, determined not to have a pity party, and taking the high ground was what I was working so hard to do, and none of it made a dent.

 

Some mornings are like that. There aren’t always answers to it hiding in that mind of ours. I hate that! And yet, I know that even when we are positive, wonderful, life-giving people, we are also human, imperfect ones who, if we are living our lives fully will feel sad even when the sun is shining on a beautiful Bay. Our job is just to allow it to have it’s moment and trust that soon, we’ll be ready to drop the socks and the baggy clothes in the hamper, brush our non-Julie Andrews teeth, and move slowly into the day.

 

And surely enough, in between that horrible screech of the fire alarm voice came the music…”Don’t Worry About a Thing”. Here’s to that!

Donna Bailey, MS

Coach, Speaker, Writer and Expert in Dating and Relationships for “Grown-ups”

Donna’s Big Red Chair

donna@donnasbigredchair.love    510-817-4242

www.donnasbigredchair.love 

I work with adventurous romantics who are tired of watching sunsets alone, and ready to do whatever it takes to find that special someone with whom to share this next amazing chapter of their lives!
If you are ready to rock, email me at donna@donnasbigredchair.love and let’s set up a time to talk about how you can find that love!

 

 

 

 

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